this is like a legitimate problem that i am facing internally at the moment. and its not really something that's started recently. its more like a pervasive issue that's been persisting for a while now--im not really sure when it began. its this pride over academic capacities and achievements that have sort of only been heightened by a partial sense of entitlement/recognition over even more recent awards. ITS SUCH A TERRIBLE THING. even though its only happening in my head right now, the judgment is kind of overwhelming and hard to block out. it inhibits--to some degree--the development of relationships with others who i may not perceive to be at the same level of capacity. it builds unnecessary walls.
now, it makes me super happy that ive found others of a similar mind as me. but that doesnt erase this other problem that must be addressed regardless.
God reminds me again about this dangerous behavior of pride though. proverbs 29:23. and ive seen it in my own life as i feel less connected to certain people as a result of disparities and that internal snobbish-ness causes me to miss out on opportunities to perhaps build otherwise strong friendships with serious potential because of that "intellectual" requirement. humility, however, lifts a person up by contrast, God sasys. the lowly in spirit gain honor, and recognition is awarded to those who least seek it. i would give an example if i could think of one off the top of my head... but it's not even just that. beyond "prizes," there are the long term prizes of dislike or like by others on the basis of pride or lack therefore of.
well. in recognition of my issue. i will be making an extra conscious effort to be less judgmental. now, seeing that this can be difficult to externally police and enforce upon myself, i will also make a supremely conscious effort to acquaint myself with everyone regardless of how "worth it" the friendship may be. i never really know what it'll be like until i get to know people more, and this is something that i've certainly figured out after more extended periods with acquaintances/friends from school. so i will do my best to super actively participate in conversations and just completely engage with these people who may or may not eventually become my close friends. let's tear em down.
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