Temple of the Spirit

1 corinthians 3:16

16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?

i am God's temple and God lives within me and so how much more shame that i should ever act apart from the will and reflection of God's glory and holiness. how many more woes to me for tarnishing his perfect and shining image. He lives among his people and not only is it vastly worse for me to dirty his name, but how much more embarrassing to be caught red-handed.

so... many... sins this weekend... wow. the shame i feel is... i ought not be... like this. and i dont want to be known as incorrigible.  thats absolutely terrifying. ive lied without blinking and been so disrespectful.  its atrocious to think of it. 

ive felt so hurt and rejected by the thought of not getting something that i want--something i view as so simple and easy and proper. ive disregarded others' concerns and been headstrong in my "knowledge" of what you supposedly have planned for me. wow. stupid stupid me. all i can think of is the necessity of apologizing to my mom for all the terrible transpirations of the weekend. and how much i desperately must make it up to her next weekend. i... seriously need to get my stuff together to make things right. so theres that obligation.

My Rock

You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. (Isaiah 26:3 NIV)

by trusting in God, you will find peace and steadfastness. you can trust in him and he will not lead you astray.

in this time, I'm seeing a vast majority of my peers quiver under the pressure and fears of life and they seem very... explicitly uncertain about the direction that they're going in. they've changed their minds a million times and no longer want the things that they thought they did or that drove them to achieve way back when or they're having frenzies regarding the... alleged capacity of weed/THC crystals to increase their creativity and facilitate truly uninhibited musings regarding the direction of their lives. its the strangest thing, I must say and I don't pretend to understand it at all.

but for me--you make me steadfast in you and because of you I have no fear. you make the world go round and you make me happy and you are there when I'm sad and with you by my side, lifting me up, I know that anything and everything is absolutely 100% possible. there are no limits to your glory. and that's that.

demonstrating my trust and expressing that faith and staying away from weed is honestly critical. I don't need that I don't want that I am not like that. in other words though, I also must be aware of alcoholic use. I don't wanna be that either. but it seems like its so much harder to stand against? idk. I made the conscious decision not to drink at parties but the one time I'm confused about is china. i don't know. but I kinda don't wanna in china anyways... I got an out though--they need a sober driver. I think I'll take that. and find peace in you to be content and firm in that decision. may it go that way.

Priorities

But the Lord is faithful, and he will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one. (2 Thessalonians 3:3 NIV)

the evil one--he tempts us all the time and seeks to separate us from God as much as possible and to make us sin even where we ought not. he doesn't want us to love God or to grow in our relationship with God and more than anything he would love to see us fail in our most beloved relationship--because that with God IS the most important one we could possibly have.

but God is my strength and will remain steadfast no matter what winds beset me. and today, I must not only recover from my failures of the previous day to properly transcribe the daily verses, but I should take care to focus on you before I go and socialize or do other things. tonight even if i go study with other people i need to spend time with you first.

Set a Fire Within Me

Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. (Ecclesiastes 7:3 NIV)
(belated post from monday morning)

there is a lot to be said for having a discontentment with the world at large absurd the state of living conditions for a majority of the population. he and I REALY got to have beautiful in depth analysis of why people dgaf so much and no joke bc it was sorta incredible and I'm glad that I got to do that and also learn abs discover about liberation theology in the process.

what does this verse mean-- frustration can be an empowering mechanisms to propel a person forward into action. it doesn't allow for complacency in the same way that happiness tends to and it moves our hearts into motion. it doesn't permit a person to stand still and merely observe as the world goes to crap. so in that sense, sadness and a touch of frustration effectively contribute to society and our lives and the glorification of God almighty.

on that note--I must not be content to just go about my life without thinking of others and I have a religious and culturally moral mandate to care in my life today I will be considering the implications of a whole life abroad in a third world country. without the luxuries that I've become accustomed to in my everyday activities. it's not enough to give only three or five years of my life to service. it just isn't good enough. but I haven't thought about an entire eternity living like that. it boggles my mind and THAT is crazy for me because I'm a relatively decisive person with comparatively little trouble figuring out what God wants for me to do. it'll it's not absolutely clear from the doors that he's opened then I don't know what hearing the voice of God is truly like. it's undeniable that he has blessed me beyond measure and that's something that I cannoli be in awe of. I'm special--a child of god. so I owe it to him for the breath in my lungs this morning and I will seriously examine my purpose and direction today, how to serve him in my field.

to god, it's also crucial that I continue to experience frustration when forgetting or simply failing to write my devotionals. it's terrible): and hard so I need your strength. this is where I must trust you o carry me through intense "busy-ness" and pray nonetheless. thank you for EVERYTHING Lord. much love.

Dissatisfied

Frustration is better than laughter, because a sad face is good for the heart. (Ecclesiastes 7:3 NIV)

there is a lot to be said for having a discontentment with the world at large absurd the state of living conditions for a majority of the population. he and I REALY got to have beautiful in depth analysis of why people dgaf so much and no joke bc it  was sorta incredible and I'm glad that I got to do that and also learn abs discover about liberation theology in the process.

what does this verse mean-- frustration can be an empowering mechanisms to propel a person forward into action. it doesn't allow for complacency in the same way that happiness tends to and it moves our hearts into motion. it doesn't permit a person to stand still and merely observe as the world goes to crap. so in that sense, sadness and a touch of frustration effectively contribute to society and our lives and the glorification of God almighty. 

on that note--I must not be content to just go about my life without thinking of others and  I have a religious and culturally moral mandate to care  in my life today I will be considering the implications of a whole life abroad in a third world country. without the luxuries that I've become accustomed to in my everyday activities. it's not enough to give only three or five years of my life to service. it just isn't good enough. but I haven't thought about an entire eternity living like that. it boggles my mind and  THAT is crazy for me because I'm a relatively decisive person with comparatively little trouble figuring out what God wants for me to do. it'll it's not absolutely clear from the doors that he's opened then I don't know what hearing the voice of God is truly like. it's undeniable that he has blessed me beyond measure and that's something that I cannoli be in awe of. I'm special--a child of god. so I owe it to him for the breath in my lungs this morning and I will seriously examine my purpose and direction today, how to serve him in my field.

to god, it's also crucial that I continue to experience frustration when forgetting or simply failing to write my devotionals. it's terrible): and hard so I need your strength. this is where I must trust you o carry me through intense "busy-ness" and pray nonetheless. thank you for EVERYTHING Lord. much love.

Dropping the F-bomb

psalm 149:4
4 For the Lord takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with victory.

to those who are humble, God rewards them richly. the verse doesnt really specify the type of victory gained, but i can only imagine that it would be something immaterial and--rather--eternal in value. such is the way of God.

humilty is key. the f-bomb is tempting to pull on people, but humility forbids it. not only that but its just a douchey thing to say and attempt to use as leverage or to indicate any degree of superiority. be extremely careful with it.

From Day 1

proverbs 22:6

6 Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.

children are kinda notoriously difficult to raise. raising even an animal is hard. there's so much that we hope to teach them and to grow with them. it's kinda insane.

but give them something good to go off of and they will be muh better off and easier in the long run.

it's a consideration for adoption. I wanna be that good influence on children's lives and in my position I'll bet that I'd have a better time bringing fruit to these kids than they would have otherwise gotten in the foster system or adoption system unadopted. I can change their lives. show them who God is. give them hope--from day one, as far as they can remember, anyhow?

hush

proverbs 16:28
28 A perverse person stirs up conflict, and a gossip separates close friends.

gossip is always more harm than good and thought that instant may grant gratification and release of anger or hard feelings or stress regarding something that happened in the end the harm it causes by indicating a distrust or negative opinion of another individual ultimately severs that bridge whether that was the intention or not.

just don't do it and as I don't know who I'll meet tomorow I should be particularly careful. if I rant without saying names though... that would be okay wouldn't it? hm.  mostly though dont say bad things about others. you wouldn't want that about yourself sooo--really try and make it a point!!. 

open up and listen

proverbs 11:2

"When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

when a person is arrogant, they fail to see the value of others' perspectives and it impairs their ability to learn from advice of others and to take those thoughts in and make their own view stronger or rationalize their own actions more. but with humility comes that necessary perceptiveness and, therefore, wisdom.

regardless of what i may think about other people or certain ideas, in keeping an open mind, but taking care not to fall easily to any traps set up against me, i will gain more and learn more. in the coming days, as you move in to college, dont discount anyone too soon. take some time.

Speak, and frequently

proverbs 19:21

We may make a lot of plans, but the Lord will do what he has decided.

this resonated with me so much. that's basically my biggest potential issue with all the thoughts going round in my head right now. like is it or is it not meant to be a part of Gods big plans for me??? I don't know. but I HAVE essentially decided that it would be best for me to go with that and seriously open my eyes and ears to whatever God tells me regarding his designated path for my future. I know I have certain things in 

mind but he's in ultimate control and could mix things up for his glory and the better good at any time--isnt that right?

so often I make plans that get shattered... in a small way most of the time. but I do see God change things from my original intention to, frequently, a fate more magnificent. it's life I suppose?

praying more prior to the "establishment" of said plans would probably do a lot for me. I would worry less in the moment when things are looking a bit sketchy and id have the security of his "promise"/ affirmation to whatever it is I seek to do.

ultimately my mandate for change IS to pray more. this morning I didn't rly when I woke but I can now.

to god, you are so wonderful and full of beautifully heartwarming surprises that make me very insanely happy and I'm so thankful for everything and for your love and for my relationship with you. that aside I know that I'm not always the most faithful but in everyday I am seeing my faltered steps and I'm trying to catch up. devotionals are so ridiculously hard to get through everyday these days... I don't understand what's made them so much more difficult of late but I can still be on top of things and do my share and also your strength to pull me through the day in a Godly way and spend that necessary time with you.

the make it or break it point

proverbs 18:19

Making up with a friend you have offended is harder than breaking through a city wall.

the struggle is so real.

he may have legitimacy for wing irritated at me but after I've apologized so many times, isn't it enough at some point? I dont know. we have such different points of view and it's ridiculous and stupid and everything and I honestly DID try I make it better but it wasn't going over well and I'm certainly aware of the fact that things weren't really good for him today in the first place but gahh. at some point you would think he would recognize the friendship enough to not accuse me of lying and making up bs and to not take his frustration about other things out on me. that's not really considerate.

what am I supposed to do now? I've attempted to say a lot of smooth it over kinds of things but it clearly didn't work. pray for gods dguodance through this and to help me figure out how to beat resolve this matter--or I guess to decide if it's a friendship worth having. there's a lot of things about the friendship that are semi sketchy and our divergent viewpoints and philosophies make serious conversation weird. maybe we'be outlived the usefulness of the relationship in terms of his liking her and my admiration of his friend. 

that's honestly a superbly terrible way to look at the situation... but it's.... pragmatic I suppose.

I dont think god would want that though as that would make me exactly like everyone else he knows--flaky web the going gets tough. definitely not how I wanna approach this.

to God, would you be with me in an attempt to salvage the friendship? that and I'll keep praying as I've learned is best and think to you always.

24/7

deuteronomy 6:6-7

6These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. 7Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.

the ways of the lord are to be burned into my soul such that i always know what they are and such that its excessively difficult to go astray. not only while on the journey, but while at a standstill crossroads bump or ditch like thing in the road, also remember his commands and follow them. God is always watching but at the same time, even if he wasn't, you are always watching yourself and know what you have done whether it be right or wrong and wrong is not something you can be happy about regardless of the pressure or social acceptability of the action.

follow God and don't cuss even when other people around you are. its going back to that again. and even if its tempting to skip devos or church or transcriptions, do it for yourself. not just God. always think of him.

FOR NARNIAAA--er, MY GOD

colossians 3:23-24

23Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, 24since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving.

if i concentrate on God, knowing that it is for my inheritance in his kingdom, and knowing that i am serving him, then... then it will be better. not necessarily easier or anything, but remembering who i am working for is important regardless. purpose is kinda key.

seeing as I'm currently struggling with devotionals it would seem to be an opportune time to draw in on the importance of relying on his strength and knowledge of the coming inheritance for continuing to persevere through this and to seriously analyze his word. its very necessary nourishment for my soul.

on another note, I've been seriously thinking about pursuing adventures in peru during the coming winter intercession. instead of coming home for christmas, i could go and volunteer/intern/develop professionally in the clinics there. at this point, mom is against the idea since it seems "dangerous" but i still would love the opportunity. 

to my god i ask if this is what he wants me to do. shall i serve you there in this way?

i just HAVE to remember that its for him and no one else. i will also be finishing my daily bible transcription for today. no excuses. and he will be my rock to help me through the drowsy eyes.

Distracting Distractions

colossians 1:17-18

18And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy.

christ comes first. god comes first. and he is lord of all of us--that which holds our universe together. without god, where would we be? nothing. less than we are now even. for now we are children of god, but without him, we're completely purposeless and aimless. dead. 

theres a lot of hope and strength that can come from an awareness of the power which our god holds. today, i think that primary power is that to guide me and keep me faithful to him because my heart is heavy with not sad thoughts necessarily or even serious thoughts, but heavy with basically wayyy too many thoughts. its not healthy, i don't think and so i really like him. he's like a demigod type. the all around kind of guy but being preoccupied like this is bad. its essentially a man crush because he's so awesome and basically after getting to know him better I'm in complete awe. not just that, but all i wanna do is be great friends with him and hope that i can absorb awesomeness if nothing else. regardless, that doesn't sound healthy. mostly because probably nothing will ever come out of it.

and so i turn to the Lord for strength in maintaining scholarly focus through distraction. he is supreme over everything--including this sort of thing.

Light in the Little Things

psalm 1:1-2

to think about God and following his light day and night is to be leagues ahead of everyone else to and to seriously live God. I have a ways to go in that department but the more I can avoid the steps of the wicked and shadow the lord instead, the more delightful I and my life will be. may what I am be pleasing to him.

what has God pressed on my heart? one real thing is loving my parents as they love me and respecting them. in the past week or so I would say that the temporary distance has certainly helped to foster a stronger love and respect for me and mom. I have told her things I normally would just omit and the fact that I even mentioned that I might come back to Tempe area for the party is pretty big. actually,  I now may no longer be coming up because setting up my dorm room migr take longer than expected and maybe I should take te weekend to draft that letter of rec for myself, but the point was good communication with my mom. kinda a shocker.

my mistakes are great though--meaning high in number, not awesome. I have been too liberal with spending money, I'd say. it's a new topic I really haven't brought up before but it's a focus on too many material things and less than prudent judgment in my purchases. to amendment that I will be returning some items at the mall today. thank goodness the three day period for the returns hasn't ended yet :3

manifest

psalm 103:17-18

gods love is manifested in the actions of those who love and fear him--those who respect him and follow his ways and rules.

being more godly means walking as he would and did.

I had made a choice--to stop the profanity. but it slipped back in with the innocuous association with explicit peers.  it doesn't make them bad people but they have no such desire to refrain from strong language and I let it get to me and change my behavior.

now, I have an obligation to stay true to the lord and his conduct--I must reflect well on my God and remind myself constantly that the words I say and the actions I do should be righteous. of holy and good origin. shine brightly for god that everyone may see and know.

Shielded

1 peter 3:12-13

God listens to those who seek him, men and women after his own heart. he listens to their prayers and sets his scowl against those evildoers who seek to harm his precious children. he's is their protector as shield in bad times and their ultimate cheerleader in good ones. if you're eager to do good who will be able to hurt you effectively?

don't seek to injure anyone or say things against them. it strikes me just now that I said things about a certain arrogant individual that I should have bit my tongue on. it wasn't THAT big a deal and even though I was irritated it would have been better to say nothing and refrain from anything gossip like. in the future I will not be relating my particular experience with that individual because it's irrelevant. The lord says to seek good and spread goodnes and then harm will be hard to come by. words can hurt and if my words aren't building someone up they essentially default to a destructive mode. so may I cease that

too salty

ephesians 4:31-32
anger bitterness and rage are not to be a part of my emotional repertoire. instead, love.

this weekend has been rough between mom and I. ive resorted to anger and a raised voice much too quickly and themat respect factor took a hit. I... try to be rational about it but I don't realize why's happened and where I am until I'm in the middle of it and then it's hard to get out of that x3 it's certainly possible it's just that getting out requires profuse apologies and backpedaling. it's harsh on pride but pride is to be broken down anyways I suppose. tear down all them walls. nothing to else separate and everything to connect and build and bond.

I must be sure to thank her for waking up early to drive me tomorrow and drop me off for heading out to the foundation in phx and then for the opportunities and that's why i can be standing here now today. verbalize that appreciation and love which is too often tacit and overlooked. I'm leaving too soon and mom deserves that much at least. it's hard but I can do it and owe it to her, I WANT to. the matter is more like whether  or not I remember but she rmmbr a so I have no excuse for forgetting tbh. goodbye to rage. hello to patient rationalizations and deliberate consideration.

gracious

2 timothy 1:9
God has saved us and called us to be reflective of his own image; holy and good, because of his own love for us and grace and not by anything that we did in order to merit such honorable treatment or the opportunity to receive such a great gift.

I have suchhhh incredible news awaiting me thanks to and because of god. like seriously. I'm not my own, I belong to himmm. in translation I'm going to start a fb msg group to check on what people are feeling for a bible study~~ or actually... maybe the retreat is better for asking...  the other thing though is I must pack and just generally prepare myself to keep up with you even while I'm at the retreat <3 you've got my back right God? and I've got my share too of course. ready set gooo :D

Speak Up and Testify

1 peter 3:15
basically keep your testimony game on point at all times and be prepared to do so in kindness and gentleness such that others are not turned off to god when you speak from the heart.

his _is_ somewhat problematic because I don't rly know what I would say is my testimony. testimony is how I found Christ. I can talk about my growth in him and what I've been doing. I can talk about my childhood and accepting in kindergarten--it's a day I clearly remember along with the room and my stirring heart, even as a little tyke. but who rly cares about that.... no one to my knowledge. its not powerful and I didn't have some huge struggle in which I fell but found god again that would resonate so well with people do I? because my life has been so full of blessings that I.... I left the church though. I was do done with GP. I have _that_ story I suppose.

to god, I hold myself prayerful now about figuring out my testimony. and about seriously committing to something with my fliblings who actually want to make the small bible study a thing. lets hit the ground running for youu.

My Specs

1 peter 2:1
what are your specs? because mine are pretty amazing, God himself has picked me and chosen me and removed me from the darkness. not only does that make me special but that makes me loved and a special possesssion a special child of his. I have a father in heaven who loves me dearly and I should need be afraid. I have an obligation to for this reason praise him and even apart from that "supposed to" or praising him, I would choose to because he's worth it.

remembering that God loves me is a daily thing I ought to sing about. his morning I shout out to God in adoration and thanks because I am living and breathing. I'm so alive today. more than other days I should think. I got a decent amount of sleep. I'm ready to hit the ground running with my devotionals--life is good , god is good.

pray every morning and every night and rly every moment that you possibly can, lindsey. and also pray that your uke skills improve because you haven't rly touched it in a few weeks minimum... man oh man. sometimes I would say my specs aren't that great especially compared to some other most talented individuals. but hey, you know. He has gifted us each in our own way and I could praise all day for the events and spec updates of the summer alone. it's perfection as god is perfection.

Rise Above It

colossians 3:1
becoming christ like is the goal for me. in everything I do. as I talk to people day to day I hope that the things I say reflect well on my soul and my father and my heart. that you are king of me,I shall hope that they see.
set my heart on the things of god and desire that which is good and holy. I've been raised with Christ who is seated next to god so may I also be inclined to raise myself through good actions while recognizing that my place there is thanks to the mercy and grace of my father who loves me and covered my sins over with blood.

now. because of god and my desire to know him I shall not err and curse. that.... worked except for the thing where in describing the flipping out surgeon I said he flipped sh!t..... DARN. I was doing so well too :( but apart from that..
to God, when I'm around others at the party tonight I'll be careful with my language and demeanor. may I be godly in my actions. and non flirtatious or stupid in what i betray by my demeanor... I wanna send the right message. a righteous and clean one, at that.

Others

1 john 4:11-12
we must show a clear love for one another, because as we do this it will be clear that God lives in us.

this is my resposibility and to show this, i believe in clearing up the language (which i must happily say has significantly improved in the last few daysq) problem of mine with profanity, and i am obligated to be loving to my family. theyre there for me and i should express kindness. they certainly deserve it.

regifting

ephesians 5:1-2
god loves us and our job is relatively simple, to emulate that love and pass it on to others such that they might also experience his incredible grace and thereby become living sacrifices as Christ was for   us. we are to regift gods love.

even when I find it hard to love someone I must and ought to. despite difficulty he calls me to be the light and all kindness. of course, it would seem to be that my utmost issue of kindness falls with that for my mom. she deserves all the best from me and to her I ought to gift the most because she does care for me regardless of how I really feel right now. may I show her more and better love.

Reliance in Suffering

1 peter 5:10
we suffer and through suffering God builds us up. he doesnt necessarily press suffering upon us, because only those things good come from God, but when there is suffering, God stands behind us to catch us and to be our strength. and forthcoming, he becomes our strength in times of God as well. this understanding is crucial to knowing growth and a stronger relationship with God.

God does say wait and gives us the opportunity to rely on him. out would seem to be that this is one such time because at about this time I should have directly asked him what am I to do about a potential relationship.

to God, I will follow you and your direction on this. if you .. say no, though it might not be what I want, I must do as is good in YOUR eyes, not mine alone. everything on you.

Righteous Anger: Channeled in Your Image and Easy

2 corinthians 3:18
because of God's grace and power I can become more like you and grow and be shaped into your image.

I became aware of, for the first time really, the power of deferring and why an anger posture with immediate sentimental action is not necessarily the best course. ive reacted angrily many times before now to various things. and results of that done in rage didn't turn out so well... it's not in your image. instead I ought to channel that anger and reroute it with infused kindness to bring about real effective change.

this I learned most recently and I mean to utilize that new understanding in odder to be more like you and to first and foremost respect my parents/coexist with them better. it's a little late but better than never. this and the profanity I seek to fight.

Showering Floods

1 corinthians 1:4-5

God always surprises us with showers of blessings and its to him that i owe my sincerest thanks for the incredible flood that i've experienced. he places people in our paths, he delivers talents into our hands, he makes us whole again and complete where we were empty and lost.

thanks and all praise b to God and the heavens for all his glory and love. i rly need to pray more. communication is a key part of any typical human relationship and friendship and itn should be no different with God. in fact, it should be even more strengthened and a bond i care for and tend to even more deeply. God merits my completely undivided attention. and it is on this note that i ponder the status of my growth and discipleschip in Him. more prayer can never hurt and is always optimal. i ought to be in this running dialogue with God that never stops if he truly lives within me and guides my actions and reigning principles of the mind. and for those in need of healing, such brothers and sisters and lost children of God, they always require my love and remembrance of them in his name.

so right now, id like to take a moment to remember sisters who are hurting, brothers in pain, sisters bearing children--may you watch over them and bless their families as they respected your command to be fruitful and as they raise those kids in your holy name to chase after your own heart, and for misions and those abroad, be it in taiwan or (soon ish) nepal, or burundi or whatever places in which your hands feet have gone to share the good news. and for dad as his trips loom near. for my own moms health and well being. for my sisters handling of school and any other shenangians she may be faced with. and for myself to follow you. straight up disciple. this is how its supposed to be <3