The Road to Rags

proverbs 28:3
money doesn't matter.  there's been an enormous emphasis in my house of late on the potential for my career to afford me a comfortable living and easy retirement.  but thats not what im looking for.

"

now, in line with that explanation, i must explain myself.  im not "in medicine" for the six-digits.  my plans include seeking out a high profile surgical residency and fellowship in pediatrics, but then moving on to serve alongside the biggest movers and shakers of the world in doctors without borders, amigos de las americas, UNICEF, or like UNHCR.  those positions don't pay much, i know, but they do provide all daily living expenses and a small stipend.  so yeah, i might be poor with bad retirement benefits, but its not a big deal because of God.  the monetary compensation problem--that would be a huge turn off to some of my relatives, i think, and dad suggested instead working at a hospital or something for like fifteen years prior to transferring to those field work organizations.

but i know that God provides for everything, and so im not concerned about it.  for the time being, i still plan on jumping straight into the most direct path towards assisting Gods children in the far un-reached parts of the world.  hopefully ill have further indication in the future about what direction im to take.

now, for the time being though, as one of a higher socio-economic standing, i must not forget those who are less fortunate.  regardless of how busy i am, its important that i continue doing volunteer work.  and i should seiously tithe.  starting this sunday, thats the most direct thing, i think that i can do(:

Expressions of Affection

proverbs 27:5
lately its seriously been rough reconciling with how much mom nags me about all the little things.  but here, God reminds me that her open nagging and "yelling" at me are intended as loving endeavors to simply add money to my pocket before college.

accepting her reminders with grace would be the best thing. there is no doubt that she will add money to my pocket tonight when i call her here from tucson.  in application, i will be patient and happily listen to her.  i will assure her that im totally fine and definitely listen well ^-^

Love vs. Hate

proverbs 26:6
if you wish to accomplish something, trusting someone else to do it for you isn't the way to go.  instead, going forward with determination and prayerfully asking for the assistance of God would better complete the task at hand.

that was the message to me in this verse.  at first glance, the analogy between "cutting off one's feet" or "drinking poison" and the request of a fool's assistance seems rather extreme.  but on second thought, it goes to show how important God feels that taking things into one's own hands is in the sense of responsibility for taking initiative and finishing the job.  that was an incredibly convoluted sentence, and i'm not quite sure if it made any sense... but yeah aha. 

cutting off one's own feet and drinking poison are both acts which would hurt oneself.  as i consider that more, becoming involved with a true fool (we become like those with whom we associate) could be especially dangerous and damaging to our own walk.  yet, at the same time, im considering my obligation to love the sinner while hating the sin.  can i love the sinner while hating the sin and refraining from placing responsibilities in the hands of fools?  i think in light of the more intricate facets of that circumstance, the verse comes into its own even more and takes on greater meaning.

love the sinner, hate the sin, take care not to fall into habits of sin, responsibly complete jobs on your own--apart from foolishness.

im determined to take on my projects with determination now, though.  with God's help of course.  but his is the only lead i will take :3 specifically--im going to... [thinking] focus on the love.  here are girls state, ive met a lot of different girls already as a JC.  they have many varied interests and talents, and it's tempting to become biased at times as a result of differences--particularly those relating to academic strength or effort.  loving others--one of the hardest but most important responsibilities of a christian, and it is to this end that i will be working throughout the week that i'm here in tucson.

The Anti-Thesis of Societal Standards

proverbs 25:21-25
this is a reminder, i feel to continue blessing those who curse me and love those who persecute me.

proverbs 25:21 speaks to this end in particular and i feel that it is a very straight forward message from God. and its certainly not what people typically expect of others. in application, im relatively sure of certain people who less-than-like me.  but regardless of that, with graduation and lots of graduation pictures right on my tail, i pledge to write nice things for them as i share my photos on facebook too.  it's a small gesture that doesnt compare to four long high school years, but its the least i can do to close off on a happy note~~ besides, i dont think anyone dislikes me that much... i have pretty sweet things to say about most everyone (: but that will be my act of kindness and i pray that those will leave people with a brighter day before them ^^

God First

proverbs 24:1-5
Hes warning me against craving the friendship of perhaps popular, but essentially less than upstanding persons.

even though there may be a social divide between myself and others, depending on the persons status--of evil or not--i ought to take caution rather than desire pure acceptance and association. evil might be an exaggeration considering my current situation, but its still important for me to remain mindful of this reality.

in light of that, i will remember that God provide blessing enough and will not envy invitations to the parties of others, for example. fellowship with God would trump that by leaps and bounds. rather than envy, i shall apply love and generosity. i will, first and foremost, seek Him and friends who too know Him. other things are secondary and i ought to prioritize christian fellowship and devotional time when in college--and now over play.  speaking of which, i must immediately fulfill my transcribed bible quotas in the morning for the next week or so. God first.

For God's Glory

proverbs 23: 5
ive had recent contemplations regarding the future. i think that much too often, people desire a profession in medicine for the financial benefit. i can see that thought process, but there are some things clearly incorrect about that rationale: 1. medical professionals frequently fail to make bank until much further long into their career (residency wages are a poor mans wage indeed with long tiring hours and sleepless nights on call at a time) 2. its morally wrong and will fail to be fulfilling id not enjoyed.  those are just the basics off the top of my head.

sooo, wealth certainly does NOT lie within the range of my reasons. rather i cant imagine myself doing anything else. budding passion propels me forward.  and these thoughts all came to mind with this verse: proverbs 23:5

for me, God's message here lies in a confirmation of recent considerations for abandoning a sheltered American life in comfort for one of discomfort--abroad as a surgeon for societies without borders or amigos de las americas. I dont say this as one of those endeavors to increase my "impressiveness" to admissions officers, thank goodness the process is over. I feel that its a genuine calling and I think I'm prepared to comply unconditionally. *for riches are temporary and disappear as we do. all of it is transient. sooo, despite the minimal wages of such organizations' physicians, God provides and in that I will take comfort and simply do what I believe best for his glory.* like I said, being a physician isn't about the money. it's about Gods love, compassion, and and the people.

Wow--she is so [insert adjective here]

proverbs 22:1
this is something that has been on my heart recently, and its so fitting that such a perfect verse comes up.

ive recently found myself plagued by a bad name--its something made apparent to me by some friends on whom i can count to be brutually honest with me when necessary. sometimes, id like to think _most_ of the time, its less my friends opinion, and more of a candidly given reflection of opinions heard. it started sophomore year, i think. and i feel like ive been careless with my name to a degree which pains me.  and its only in certain ways.

well, college yields new opportunities to redefine myself and for that im incredibly thankful. ive seen what there is to become out there, models for behavior--besides, christ i suppose and in more specific mannerisms such as party etiquette of the teenage/college student variety-- and i think i can better emulate that, thereby altering my name, and hopefully for the better. in my heart, i honestly believe that to be Gods message. because in all reality, people are more likely to accept an ambassador more like them yet good and true. in goodness and truth, christs example is impeccable and _the one_ to follow, of course. but in others...dancing or partying? i feel compelled to follow other distinct examples.

it all begins now with what i do and say. i can start now--there are soo many grad parties coming up. i can also think before i speak, which is incredibly more difficult than i ever thought before seriously trying. and the other thing is remaking my wardrobe. all of that contributes to my public image and it seems the best way to achieve a revolution of the latter. thats my hoe anyhow. i cant stand if my current name were to prevail... its all quite convoluted and such. sometimes my heart is conflicted over what the legitimate _best_ direction for me is as well. but in all things, as long as i trust him, all things will work together for my good. today people may say wow she is so----but He can change that.  all things will work together for my good. of that, im sure.

(forgotten post from late thursday night.)

Just the Way You Are

song of solomon 4:7

God tells us that we're essentially perfect just the way we are and that we have not been mistakenly formed in anyway.  yes, the sin is imperfect, but basically God loves us despite our physical appearance and teaches us to love our bodies because we dont all take the exact same form--how boring would that be?  to be sure, we can strive to improve the physical condition of our bodies and glorify God through good health, but we ought not hate our bodies to any extreme and fall into the habit of eating disorders.

for me, a girl bombarded by specific messages regarding the "definition" of feminine beauty in the eyes of the world, the verse stands out in particular as God's message for me to be careful of how far i go in my attempts to glorify him more (since our bodies are temples for the Holy Spirit).  because those attempts are also tempered by the desire to conform to societal perceptions of beauty to a certain degree, and that holds relatively high potential for going sour :x so i shall be on my best guard.

the endeavors of the courageous woman that started the beautiful body book project and the valiant ones who participated are details in the video found at this link: tinyurl.com/noteworthy521.  as mothers whose bodies now look different than the societal standards for physical perfection, they braved the lens to show that beauty is in the eye of the beholder--and encourage others to stand firm against judgement of their physique.  it caught my eye and particularly speaks to me: i ought not let the world define me or twist my self-image, especially considering that God loves me no matter what--just the way [i am].

today, i will not think unfair thoughts about my appearance.  rather, i will remind myself of song of solomon 4:7--memorize it and be reasonable.

What should I do?!??

proverbs 20:18

there are a few different things i've experienced recently regarding advice: first, my parents try to give a lot of it; second, my school teachers have undoubted given me some of the best of it; three, God's is the best and found in the Bible, but too often i forget about that source.  to that end, this verse reminds me of advice's true value.  though i may not be preparing myself for mortal combat of the physical kind anytime soon, the same idea applies to all other aspects of life.  by seeking advice from God, plans for carrying out his will and for adhering to his designs will be formed and lead to a more successful journey.  disobedience--which only serves to injure what lay in our best interest--fails by contrast and only results in barring us from our optimal position.  and forgetting, or deliberately avoiding, the guidance of others likely damages by virtue of inadvertent discrepancy with the ideal course of action as God might have hoped for us.

with the first, i ought to try and listen to their adages with more patience.  like mentioned by others in sunday school, they're only attempting to prepare me for the real world as the day of my departure from home for college draws near--this summer and every day counting up until the end of the school year represents another opportunity for them to stuff me chock-full of wisdom so i make the minimal number of mistakes possible.  they just care.  its frustrating when the advice seems superfluous, but i appreciate their goodwill, at least.  tonight, when they--as they undoubtedly will--throw words of wisdom at me, i'll just say okay, thanks, or yes mom/dad.  it's that simple, right?

school teachers.  theyre legitimately some of my favorite people in the whole world.  i love them love them love them.  they motivate me to go to school and inspire me to be a better student, a better scholar, a more open-minded/perceptive individual, a bigger dreamer.  because of them, i can believe in my self a bit more and be honest with myself.  certain english teachers, american history teachers, statistics teachers--for them, i hold genuine adoration, and i hope to one day sit down with them for a cup of coffee at some classy cafe much better than starbucks.  (to be honest, starbucks is tacky compared to real coffee--no class.)  im not exactly sure where my admiration for them arose.  their respect and approval means more to me than that of most others.  of course, God's should be first.  but after that, i feel like theirs is next.  anyways, with their advice, i've overcome the tumultuous roller coaster of high school.  when i didn't know what to do and the pressure of everything that "mattered" crashed down on me, they're the ones whose consolations drove home and whose hugs were most comforting.  i knew in my heart that God would take care of everything, but on the outside i was still shaking.  but at school, in their classrooms chatting after the bell, i found a safe haven and refuge from pressure's attacks.  "sometimes sleep can be a priority"--"be honest, and if they don't like it, you wouldn't want to be there [at that university] anyways"--"do you wanna play the game and say what they wanna hear or be true to yourself"--"hes in control in the end".  i like to think that in the war zone of high school, i obtained guidance with sufficient frequency.  today, it was my honor (as an application of the verse and in fulfillment of a desire from the bottom of my heart) to acknowledge that guidance with a few more gifts and letters of appreciation/gratitude.  i think i'll be counting on those future coffee dates for my own sanity.  more than many things, i hold to the ideal of those extended and lifelong symbols of mentorship/friendship.

the bible ought to be my absolute best friend.  whenever i have a problem, i ought to consult it.  to some degree i think im learning about that and implementing it--i mean, i did consider my situation and seek biblical advice on it where the last post was concerned.  and as i interpreted the word, it became exceedingly clear to me what i was to do.  in application, im pushing myself to read even a snippet of the word everyday.  spiritual nourishment isn't a some days yes, other days not.  in particular, proverbs offers the best advice in the most concise manner. i've also got my eyes wide open for God.  and next time i wonder what i should do--i know who to ask.

♫ I can be the very best/like no one ever was ♫

matthew 6:1-5

recently, i've been plagued by someone who sits nearby me in class and won't stop bragging.  that person is undoubtedly an intelligent person, but it's seriously gotten to the point where i basically can't take it anymore, and despite that person's achievements, i know many others who've attained similar levels of "success."  what's potentially even more frustrating is that this person continues to specifically speak to me about those achievements and i'm pretty much fed up.  i have many rebuttals to make against those claims of extreme superiority over everyone else and that flouting of personal ability is just an act--someone futile attempt--to gain both the attention and flattering praise of those within earshot.

so i read this section of matthew about the consequence of "practicing your righteousness" in front of others.  to me, that essentially equates to "if you brag to others about how good you are, God will reward you with nothing." instead, conduct good works for God and not others--don't announce what you've done to them.  then you will be rewarded by God who sees what you've secretly done--not for the recognition and praise, but out of genuine compassion and love.

God's message to me extends beyond a commentary on pride and stance in favor of humility though.  reading this, i realize i need to also take care to close my lips.  ive been severely tempted to retaliate at that bragging person by talking about my own accomplishments--even though everything i have actually belongs to God--and "proving" that i'm just as good.  i realize how unnecessary and stupid that is, on my behalf, though.  i ought to just smile and congratulate that other student.  there's no need to be equally ridiculous and absurdly arrogant.  if people see me in action, then they see me; if they dont, they dont.  regardless, God knows how i've been able to glorify his name and how ive tried to conduct myself in a matter pleasing to him.  besides that, if i brag in "retaliation," then im just a hypocrite.

so i resolve to simply accept that person's need for attention and i will just smile kindly.  if possible, maybe i can sort of just ignore that other student.  i mean, that way i won't make a snarky reply loaded with achievement-related come backs, right?  i should publicly acknowledge God's role in anything I find success through, and keep that success on the down low.  celebrate with family, but don't make anything excessive.  besides, it's all transient in the end, isn't it?  with that, i have decided on something particular.  when asked about where i'm headed for school next year, the reply will be just the name of the university--alone without mention of scholarships.  that's for the best.

Limbs, of all varieties

john 9:1-5
3 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,” said Jesus, “but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.

the testimonies of christians with disabilities can be absolutely incredible--like nick vujicic's.  sometimes, it even seems like their potential to glorify God is even greater because their struggle is more apparent.  and from the verse, its apparent that God doesnt "curse" people or "punish" them with disabilities, but rather, he uses them for his glory, regardless.

besides that, this verse spoke to me on a somewhat personal level, since there's a teacher at school whose son is disabled with cerebral palsy--as is the woman in the video--and his son has been relatively high profile of late as a result of various fundraisers held to help support the family as they scramble to fund their sons medical treatments for palsy.  in particular, Gods message to me seems to consist in realizing his glory and work in everything.  normally it'd be considered less than fortunate to have a disabled child, but God turns it all around and defies societal norms.  the particular boy in question is also christian--as his family--and i realize now how beautiful the situation is, because through them, others have seen their absolute trust in God's power to provide for their family even when it seems impossible to raise the necessary funds.  and in the same way as God can use the disabled, he can use us as his hands and feet.  we dont have to be missing any of our limbs or have a physical/mental impairment in order to live as effective testimonies for God either.

this upworthy also shows the immense capacities of the disabled when treated just like everyone else and when they're given a chance to prove themselves.  maysoon zayid may not be christian, but she is disabled (with cerebral palsy), yet she's shown incredible resilience and determination.

to me, this verse is also God's way of saying that absolutely anyone and everyone can be a vessel for his glory.  if i've ever doubted the ability of someone with disabilities to make a difference, this is definitely a reminder against that.  since i missed yesterday, i wanted two applications for today.  the second is writing a thank you note to a disabled friend whose been a great encouragement to me.

Never Too Busy

proverbs 17:1-5

"Whoever mocks the poor shows contempt for their Maker;
whoever gloats over disaster will not go unpunished."

too often, people walk right by the poor without blinking an eye.  they dont stop to drop a dollar, or even a few coins in the hat/jar/can.  they might even rush over to the other side of the street, fearful of what the poor person might "do." i haven't seen this one myself, but some people make fun of them, or even steal what little has been donated to them in that hat/jar/can.  but God warns against that.

i've been guilty of that.  instead of doing my part to help out someone on the side of the road, i may have walked to the other side. turned my face.  this reminded me to not do that--honestly it kind of shames me into guilt:

how does that happen?  where "helping the poor" doesnt move people, but say something offensive and instantly people move together and become angry at the offender.  that's how it should be more often, citizens aggregating against tragic injustice.

now, in chandler most people drive around and it's seldom that i would walk down the street and pass by someone in need.  maybe at the airport/downtown that would happen.  today, im going to a friend's recital in phoenix--if i see someone with a hat/jar/can i will definitely drop a dollar. and if i dont see someone, there's a charity i've been meaning to donate to, but i've always been "busy" and brushed it off. But Gods not too busy for me.   today, i wont be too busy for him/others either.

Sorry, Not Sorry.

galatians 2:11-16
in recent weeks ive found upworthy videos showing up in my news feed all the time as i procrastinate on facebook.  (thankfully i can now "waste away" online without actually pushing off any homework haha). this one was particularly striking and serves as a good reminder of whats wrong with christianity--or, rather why people _think_ theres something wrong with christianity.
its called "im sorry im a christian" and its only 3ish minutes: http://youtu.be/EieFdXy_HwM

when i saw it, i thought it was worth sharing and i wanted to look at what the bible has said about hypocrisy of that sort. peter hypocritically sat with gentiles when no one else was there who would judge him, but as soon as his jewish peers came, he would not sit with the gentiles anymore and instead sat with his old "high and mighty and better than everyone else" "friends." the cool kids over the nerds. something like that.

at school, i cringe when i hear people claiming to be christians and then telling people God hates them for xyz reasons/cussing them out without blinking an eye. in those cases its obvious that God is being poorly represented by those "christians," that theyre being incredibly two faced.

for me, its been a bit different. and today, i want to straight up apologize for my own hypocrisy.  its painful to admit, and honestly it makes me cringe to think about how this happened, but i know that people perceive me as arrogant, pretentious, overbearing, a show off--you get the point. im not really sure when it started and i...i didnt mean to do any of the things which may have contributed to that image. to anyone who i might have offended in this way, im so so sorry; i apologize and i genuinely want to make up for it. in day to day activities, i need to just keep my thoughts to myself, it seems. one of my teachers always reminds us to celebrate or suffer in silence when we're taking quizzes (where the questions are read aloud and then we write the answers): the same idea seems to apply here to life.

Reminder: You Have 1 New Message(s)

psalm 28:7

God is the best thing that could have ever "happened" to me.  more than i realize, i've taken him for granted in the past, but today i had a serious wake up call to the miracles he's worked in my life--without me even noticing them, apparently.  its like... its like i've developed some sort of horrible apathy to him to the degree where i have difficulty recognizing him and discerning his beauty in my life.  i'm appalled at myself for that.

that wake up call?  a student at school--a student who i would say is extremely well liked, makes the best jokes, extremely intelligent/clever and recognize for those talents--confessed to the class about having thoughts of suicide and being in the process of treatment for severe clinical depression.  a student that seemed to have it all together on the outside.  a student that was popular.  a student that (from my perspective anyways) had it made.  for me, i suddenly realized that i had been incredibly blessed by God and that regardless of whatever ups and downs come at me in life, i have always had--and will always continue--to have him right behind me, ready to catch me if i fall.  now, i dont mean that in a "God is plan B" sort of way.  at least, im trying my best to phrase this so it doesnt come across that way.  God is plan A (through Z) and he's 100000x awesomer than any other design--so much so, in fact, that i dont even need a plan B.  and thanks to God, in both happy moments and sad, i've had someone who protects me--from my pride and from discouragement.  i didn't even realize what a blessing it was to be shielded in that way by God.  because as long as i trust in God, he takes care of me and i can find comfort in the certainty of his designs--even if i dont know what those designs actually are.   in fact, even when i fall short and mess up, he's there for me.

normally, i think of that student (whose confession startled me) as lucky.  normally, i think of that student as better than me and having been more generally blessed than me.  but now i realize thats not true--because God found me and took me in and i wanted enough to be found and i am in him.  im the one who's "lucky," who's been blessed.  i pray that student will find God one day too, soon.

its been a long time since ive taken the time to appreciate the grace of God and his gift of life.  before, my heart lept for joy, but for the wrong reasons, and it forgot _why_ it was able to leap for joy and experience such love.  today it remembers why again and sees me and my life as being richly blessed.  in order to refrain from apathy, i will write down what God blessed me with that day when i go to sleep.

today's blessing? God's reminder, plus a long awaited letter.

Tacit Love

ephesians 6:1-3
Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

these verses were very clear to me and there's no doubt that i ought to respect my parents more and honor them because they're my parents--plus they've loved me and cared for me since even before i was before (eating dem pre-natal vitamins with folic acid, yo), always trying to help guide me along the path of life and teach me every life lesson that they can possibly think of.  it's only right that i treat them well but sometimes--a lot more than i would care to admit--i dont.

i get easily irritated when they try to remind me to stay focused and do my homework.  or when they say to study harder and there's only a short period of time left before it will be ok to relax.  or when they caution me against "being done" (as i say quite a lot these days) with school because finals are still coming up... (not to mention tomorrow's treacherous macro- and micro- economics exams XP

in my head all i can think of is how frustrated they make me when just trying to be good parents and i get caught up in my own anger, thinking that theyre doubting my abilities, that they don't think my academic "achievements" have been enough.  its extremely irritating and then my thoughts explode (in a very profane sort of way -_-").  and then i just wish that i could hurry up and move out of the house so i dont have to deal with it anymore.

thats probably--that IS, im sure--the wrong approach :3  instead of getting easily upset, and disrespecting my parents who've tried so hard and sacrificed time and effort to give me the best, i should accept their "advice," try and obey them (especially since this will only be going on for a little longer).  seeing the video really reminded me of how opening up to my parents would be better than keeping it all choked up inside.  once in a while, i should tell them i love them.  it's ok to say those words, aloud--seriously, it is.  and when i think about it, i _will_ miss my parents a lot when i move to tucson.  my mom won't be there to tell all the jokes that i've heard a million times, but love all the same.  my dad won't be there to kiss my head goodnight everyday, even though i usually think its awkward, but ill miss it and the routine of it all the same.

so ill open up to them more.  and tell them i love them while i still can.

#ThirstyForGod

1 peter 1:24-25
grass. like the grass that so easily falls into bad health, we can become spiritually unhealthy if we don't fill ourselves with the Word and the holy spirit. the grass needs to be constantly watered and when the seasons change, it may even need to be reseeded so that its ready to thrive for the new season. in the same way, we need constant attention to our own spiritual lives otherwise it will cease to be as fruitful and it will be very obvious that we're not watering our souls enough with devotional time spent in Gods fellowship. in the same way, any of our achievements are ethereal like the flowers that blossom (and beautifully, too) but last only for a short while before the season changes and its petals fall--people will forget the immaterial things we've done and our conquests can amount to nothing. but the word of God is eternal and unlike the fickle grass or flowers.  investing in God would be much better.

when the flowers and meadows flourish, there is beauty in them and they in term support the ecosystem so that other animals and plants can also do well.  they serve as a foundation for other creations.  in that same way, if we water our spiritual lives, our peers will benefit from our growth, and other aspects of our lives will reflect the grace of God's blessings according to his plans for us.

even though AP exams are seriously getting my nerves and im sort of worrying about them a lot, i will focus on God and take comfort in knowing that he has plans for my future.  i should work hard, study, and do everything within my power, but after that, it's my job to lift everything up into God's hands. he's bigger than me and than the AP exam graders.  even though i have other busy things that require my attention, i should still continue to devote time to God and not brush him off--because he doesn't brush me off.  if i do that, my soul will be satiated by spiritual nourishment, and in the best circumstances, everything else in my life will follow in suit beautifully.  hopefully that means being able to concentrate better and study more effectively.  today, i tried to put that into action and woke up early to fellowship with God before the ap gov exam.  and instead of just burying myself in frqs, i decided to take some time to think about what God wanted me to learn about him today.  he's more powerful than the ap exam titans who seem to determine our fate--instead, _he_ designs our futures for the best. everything will be ok.

What is Fairness?

1 corinthians 6:5-10

so i saw this video pop up in my facebook news feed and since it was a ted talk i wanted to know what it was about. besides that, the headline i saw on it was like "woman convinced everyone she was a man for 8 years."  plus ted talks are usually worth the time! (like this other one on beatboxing brilliance: http://youtu.be/GNZBSZD16cY)

anyways, so i watched it and it seriously got me thinking about how i ought to react to homosexuality in society.  i dont actually have any close friends that are gay so the whole showing love to them and being honest about what the bible says about it isnt really something i find myself able to directly apply to daily living at the moment.  besides that, the video got me sort of confused about how people often feel the "need" to be ... experimental with their sexuality by sleeping with those of both genders...sometimes at the same time...flip flopping..etc. it just makes absolutely no sense to me from the perspective of someone who honors absolute morality: 1. homosexuality is wrong 2. indulging sex before marriage is wrong 3. bisexuality AND sex before marriage?-- *bang*mind blown*IDK WHAT TO SAY ABOUT IT IN SOCRATIC DISCUSSIONS AT SCHOOL--let alone how to lovingly "debate about it" with people at school.  one of the biggest things ive heard, that i have zero clue on how to address, is why should homosexuals be condemned to a life "forever alone" and without a partner if heterosexuals can marry and have sexual relations?

but back to corinthians--i googled passages relating to homosexuality in the bible as a reference and saw verses 9-10.  specifically, i noticed it addresses more than just sexual immorality, thieves, the greedy, drunk, swindlers, and slanderers are all thrown in the same lot.  the sin of the others is equal to the of sexually immoral people in its severity and god would condemn it just the same.  i guess as i think about that and how people claim its "unfair" to homosexuals--"condemnation to being forever alone, that is"--its not.  BECAUSE HETEROSEXUALS ARE EQUALLY SINFUL AND NEED TO GIVE UP TENDENCIES THAT ARE JUST AS BAD, TOO.  "we" swindle and slander one another through gossiping (note: mean girls) and literal cheating (often observed in academic settings on tests/quizzes/even homework), get wasted and ****faced, covet the possessions of others, etc.  "we're" just as bad.  thats what i got out of 1 corinthians 6:9-10, anyhow.  in light of that, it doesnt seem like homosexuals/LGBTQ are the only ones that christianity somehow "antagonizes" as society might put it.  they're not the only one "unfairly" compelled by absolute morality to cease in their sin.  basically everyone's struggles are on the same level.  (besides that, i would say being without a "partner" isnt the worst thing.  its certainly possible to enjoy being single and thrive... though most people wouldnt want to.  i mean, the apostle paul  did it, didn't he?  who are some other famous, celebrated, happy, and single people?)

specifically, i gossiped about someone i used to be close friends with today XP  i even thought about what i was going to say before saying it, and its not like i said anything untrue, but those were things in the past it would have been wiser to say nothing at all rather than to say something that could influence someone elses opinion of that formerly close friend.  besides...the person i was talking to already had a certain opinion of the formerly close friend and i didnt really need to say anything that reinforced that already-existing opinion.  i wont see the person i was tlking to again today, but tomorrow i can try to "fix" it :3 by telling that person about the good things that person has done before too?  obviously its better if i didnt say anything in the first place, but now that the mistake is made....
in the future though, i will remember this verse! i dont want to be in the same groups as those who commit sexual immoralities and i definitely dont wanna be like regina george!

The First Bite

genesis 39:1-5

so for a while now, since january 1, 2014, ive been transcribing five verses a day into my handwritten bible NIV from the physical typed up and pretty copy. but it always seemed like there was something missing and that transcribing alone fails to constitute as feel bible study. in sunday school we learned the "fast food devotionals" method (cred: hend and anita). 5 verses/day. 15 min or so--even during breakfast or the morning shower, or whatever. allowing the holy spirit to press a singular verse upon your heart. interpreting the verse. and applying it to THAT day. on sunday, may 12, 2014, here was mine.

the story of joseph in the house of potiphar made me think of my own role in my house. if josephs righteousness was smiled on by God and he was helped helped because of it, i think in striving to be more like God, only blessings will result. thats not to say that _only_ good things will happen, since trials/tests will always be a part of life and mistakes lead to bad things, but itll be better? plus, life as a slave cant be that great, even as the head of the captain of the guard's right hand man bc im sure joseph would have preferred being at home with his dad and the sheep or something. yet he isnt mentioned as a complainer, but as a guy who still worked hard (probably with a smile) in spite of the situation.

so for application... well, potiphar saw God was helping joseph. i hope people will see that God has been helping me too. as a long termish thing, if im congratulated on graduating and stuffs, ill be sure to verbally express how thankful i am for my family and Gods support/blessings in my "achievements."

more short termish for today, im going to help be my moms right hand and wash the dishes without being told/with a smile. its mothers day and if joseph could do it as a slave, i can do it as a free daughter in my own parents house.

to my sunday school teachers: thanks for teaching this to us. like a camel endeavoring to enter through the eye of a needle, i know my journey isnt going to be an easy one. my journey to know god. and to grow in my walk. but this is a start! ive always wanted to blog but ive always failed to find a proper reason for it. in blogging, maybe my insights will help someone else and encourage them in their walk too, though! and this way, i will have a very tangible record of my intake of soul food.