short of your Glory

12-26-2014

Romans 3:23 NIV

23 for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God one thing i have noticed is how much you permeate into the culture here of peru and it's actually quite beautiful.  most people here know that they have sinned and fall short of the glory of God, it would seem and i actually really like how everyone can share that about you.  it's not at all like the cynicism that i'm used to back in the states where even the mention of God makes people scorn and laugh at the "fairytales" as they call it.  how rude. i fall short and need you. i'm also still faltering in terms of doing all the things that i really need--my prayer life is doing especially poorly ):  i know that though and that i too fall short of the glory of God.  hence, my new desperation :/  that is what i will be especially working on bettering in the coming weeks before i return home--compelling myself to desire more fiercely and love you such that i must always spend quiet time with you and so it's a joy, rather than any hassle.  XOXO much love.

jump into the day

12-25-2014 Romans 5:1 NIV
1 Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ

God is the source of all the wonderfulness to be had and because of him I trust and have faith and happiness and the joy which springs only from him.  I absolutely know and believe that through him increasing awesomeness with happen and that I need not fear for anything because he is with me.

with praying before meals, i only sometimes remember ): but tomorrow i can work on it more :O i will try harder!!

i'm continuing to have an open mind and i think that i am more content with my portion because i know that God gives to each and does so with a design in mind.  jealousy is not becoming, and it is much better to wait and see how things go.

for tomorrow, i'll just jump into the day and trust you.

all love

12-23-2014

Romans 5:8 NIV

8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. i've been making a more conscious effort to follow you expressively, but i can still make a greater effort for sure.  things dont always go as planned though i know, and i just need to focus on you and the opportunity available and how to make the most of that in terms of learning and practicing the most possible.  you're the one in control and i just need to remember that and allow you to direct me.  already i must say that ive enjoyed peru immensely.  where actual things are concerned the only thing left is to actually administer vaccines or triage a few patients at least?  i mean, that's also something that can be done next month in mexico though.  i just want to find some unique experience that the united states doesn't actually have to offer me. as far as romans goes though, yes you were there and loved us while we were still sinners and not quite lovable.  and so regardless of the difficulty that i'm faced with in terms or meeting others, i too have an obligation to love and try more so than even others. i'm glad, however, that we're going to mass tomorrow evening!  i'm actually really excited about that and seeing what it's like.

outward

retrospective studies

I seek you with all my heart; do not let me stray from your commands.

Psalm 119:10

do not let me forget or move away from your truth.

i think i should still pray outwardly before eating.  that would probably just be... a good thing to do. like i dont think it would be culturally... too looked at strangely i dont think? yeah. i should do that.

anyways, my feelings about peru have drastically changed and by the 3rd day i was having a blast and knowing where i was going and such.  it was absolutely fantastic :D

do not let me stray from your commands though as i progress during this trip and i just hope that i can be truer than true to who i was before this trip in terms of my relationship with you.  that's something that i think should remain sacred and sanctified and like.. true.  i'm not sure how that whole desperation thing is working out for me.  im not sure if i'm relying on myself at this point or if i'm leaning on your strength which is infinite.

so that's my mandate to myself. to pray before meals.  and to focus more especially in terms of who i'm depending on for strength even as i feel the desperation leaving me and am feeling confident in being in peru without mom and dad.  outwardly, expressing the same commitment as your disciple or even more.  inwardly, placing my faith in you and no where else.

one

12-9-2014


John 17:3        NIV
3 Now this is eternal life: that they know you, the only true God, and Jesus Christ, whom you have sent.

knowing Christ who was sent down to earth by you and having that personal relationship with you is the real way to salvation.

I am in such awe of your glory and beauty and the magnificence of that which you do in my life. it's beautiful. and I couldn't be happier and that I've been able to connect with such incredible young women who are after you and pursue you and learn from their experience and grow in you.

and for the women who I know love the lord and who I can speak to and know that I will receive Godly advice from. it's just fantastic beyond measure!!~~ and now I have to share it with others. and stand firm in you while associating with others who don't recognize you. I'll be doing my best to reveal you through what I do and say.

mandate

12-8-2014

John 15:12-13    NIV
12 My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends.

love each other like God loves us. that is the most powerful tool among us for facilitating interaction between ourselves and I must assert, love is that most requisite.

love. it's hard sometimes but it's necessary all the time. nothing is greater than true sacrifice for other out of love.

I know that for myself there's been a struggle to commit to you completely and I keep trying to go back and rectify it but the struggle is so real and its...

language is one thing. daily commitment to you is another. and somehow from that I must build up towards you and a stronger relationship. it's strange because I... know what is better but I'm also somewhat clueless. ugh. I just throw myself towards you. no worries, just faith.

confidence in your design

retrospective studies

This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him.

1 John 5:14-15

praise to You.  if we are walking in your footsteps, you will hear us when we cry out for help in your name.  you are our God the one true king who is also with us and never leaves us.  i need not fear because you are there and i can be confident in your love and strength.  you are absolutely incredible, all-powerful and amazing, and i will never be alone.

luke 11:9 says ask and you will know, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you. this qualifies that with asking, seeking and finding in accordance with Your designs, but that should be a given, no?  here´s what´s for sure though, as this journey goes on, i will be keeping my ears wide open for you.  i won´t waiver and everything will absolutely be for you.  im ready to learn, to see the kind of work ahead for me, i´m ready to be a disciple making a real difference in a very concrete way.

i know that im not supposed to just do medicine.  that in itself doesnt necessarily bring people to you, but i.... think this is like my crutch.  how to reach people when you dont know how to.  because when you give someone assistance in such a concrete way, its hard to say no and to NOT feel the love of God, right?

for now, all that i really know is this:  follow you wholeheartedly in everything. speak often but only with you coming through me and in accordance to your designs. disciple for you in everything.  take care but be bold.  for You are with me.

desperate for desperation

 retrospective studies

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

2 Corinthians 12:9

 

in my own weakness and shortcomings, my need for God grows evermore and it is exactly this that paul speaks of.  i noticed this too, but in another way.  and it's true that in desperation we allow ourselves to be given and for our burdens to be given to you so much more.  but at the same time, that does not mean that there are really ever any circumstances under which i don't need you.  it's just my own awareness of that actually constant desperation.  and honestly, by opening my eyes to my own depravity, i think it's for the best in terms of coming to terms with why i need you so much and then continuing to desire to be a light for you with fervor even when it doesnt seem like it so much.

 

because that's the reality of life in this world--that im a sinner, fallen, broken, and in need of salvation from you.  the only one true king and savior of the world.

 

speak to others frequently and don't be afraid of crappy spanish.  talking is the only way to show others your power and grace and how awesome he is in sending people to assist even in their lack of familiarity with the area, and such.

a differentiating characteristic with regards to good and evil

retrospective studies

 

With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.

James 3:9-10

 

it must certainly be hypocrisy for man to be cursing and praising from the same mouth.  in what james indicates, this is a call for us to choose--between good and evil.  and choose to be good and say only good rather than to allow for our natures, our sinful natures, to take control and to spew things which are not good and therefore not belonging to God.

 

in light of this most straightforward command to be good and think and say that which is good, i have a most apparent obligation to rededicate myself to those things as a disciple of Christ.  Lord, i have so many shortcomings, and i must say that there is much too much that is not good that has come from my mouth.  but that can change.  not only that, but it must.

 

what must i do in the imminent future though?  well, praise is only appropriate for you God as i continue to live and breath and take in this most wonderful life.  it's a wonderful life, indeed.  your creation floods my senses and i have only pleasure and happiness from it.  all around me, the relationships that i have begun to build only bring a smile to my face as i explore depth with the adults in particular who have taken an interest in me, who've invested themselves in my future.

 

as for curses, there is no reason for that.  my objective, stop it.  stahp it.  there's no reason for that.  i'm... trying to think how i've sinned in that way most recently in speaking ill of others.  i'm not exactly sure, but ----oh, just kidding.  my decided distaste for some of the potential --innfants and for --iblings.  that's enough.  who am i to pass judgment.  i have absolutely no right.  better only and better yet would be to express love and concern where their particular behaviors might be concerned.

so now, i say and see this:  for myself, to love your Lord ever more fervently is necessary and to forget about the shortcomings of others in my conversations with others and to basically stop gossiping and participating in the spread of stories which are true but not necessarily beneficial or image-building for others, yeah.  that would make me that much more of a better person and disciple for Christ.  it's a differentiating characteristic--or at least it should be.

 

 

compelling circumstances

12-16-2014

And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him.

Hebrews 11:6 

 

i have to have faith in order to please God and that is the mindset that i must certainly go into this trip to peru with.  otherwise, there will be absolutely no point in being here today.  or for the next three weeks.  Lord, i give up the entire trip to you.  i just pray for my own willingness to take a leap of faith with your will in mind and to be confident in your desire to bring good out of this work.  may i continually focus my eyes on you throughout this journey as i seek to discover what path is that which you have designed specfically for me. 

first, i must believe that you exist.  second, i must believe that you will bless me for wholeheartedly seeking out your will.  i have faith in both of those things, but most of all, i believe that you have especially designed for me to bring you glory in medicine to underserved communities.

today, im no longer so certain of international medicine as your will for me.  but maybe that's just because i'm scared and for no other reason.  because leaving home is frightening, to be sure.  but i know that you will guard me and help me to see what is real.  and if i am called back home, i will know why.  not immediately, of course, but you know--like at the end of the three weeks.

at the same time though, i hope that its... not the case?  i want to learn to trust in you, and honestly, at this time i can see so clearly that this is probably the most clear ways to compel that kind of faith.  when You're the only one there who i can trust and depend on, things change.  the faith comes naturally.  it's out of necessity, but i wish it was because i was a better disciple.  regardless, post-peru, i have a feeling that i'll have learned faith and be able to turn it on even when i dont have quite so great a degree of desperation.  and that's better.

so for the next three weeks, and then forever more, ill believe more strongly than ever before, because that's how to really bring a smile to you for the work being done.  it has to be with pure intentions.  it has to be with you in mind.  

i'm all yours, Lord.

one way

on behalf of 12-12-2014

Acts 4:12 NIV

12 Salvation is found in no one else, for there is no other name under heaven given to mankind by which we must be saved.” there is only one way--through you, and you are the only avenue for life. this is a serious matter to be taken seriously, and honestly, i think that means i really really need to figure out some way to speed up my sharing of you. and i also need to deal with my rush of emotions and my obsessiveness. it needs to not be like this and all the ..... angst needs to be diverted to something normal.  and i know you are the only way, i could divert it all into energy for you. does it work that way? i just cant stop processing him and....now its all like last year all over again except like different. like more. and like im into it. and to the point where im writing about it indirectly in my messages to others: This--an inadequacy of words--it has hit me most strongly in the last few days as I've come to strongly recognize the transient nature of what we are.  I don't mean to be overly contemplative or melodramatic.  That, and I have also been fortunate as only a bystander to the ebb and flow of life and time: that is to say, time hasn't yet taken away ones close to my heart, but around me, close friends have been working through it.  And as a close friend, I have had not only sympathy, but an surge of innumerable other sentiments rushing through me as I endeavor to offer genuine condolences in addition to strength and comfort to those around me.  I say endeavor because more often than not, there is no right thing to say.  When words are lacking--

beyond

12-11-2014

John 18:36 NIV

36 Jesus said, “My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight to prevent my arrest by the Jewish leaders. But now my kingdom is from another place.” God is beyond us.  thank goodness for that.  for being more than i can fathom.  your intensity and omniscient power brings such immense comfort and strength.  i can depend on you and you build me up so that i can build up others.  you are from another place and have no need for the earthly things. it doesn't matter.  what matters are the strength of my work for you.  in your name.  what matters are the people not the things.  the places not the things of those places.  i work towards you.   its not necessarily chandler, but what i could conceivably do for the people of the city.  what can i do.  that is the question, and i ought to base future decisions upon that.

suffocating joy

on behalf of 12-10-2014

Acts 1:8 NIV

8 But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.” it's time to shine to everyone God's light and hide nothing. be bright for God and love and just witness in absolutely every mode of life.  never stop.  dont stop.  cant stop wont stop.  i will receive power when the holy spirit comes on me?--yeah when God works magic, things will be wonderful.  for sure. right now, i can only think about how to live for you in the moment.  my mind is blown from the beauty of the people in my life and i just want to introduce you to all of them. anyways, i can't think of anything else particularly pressing on my heart that i can express in that sort of way here.  it was perfectly placed in my letter: Words.  the sentiments rush through me and don't stop and i can't exactly verbalize them but i'll try and i'm moved beyond words and i can only feel now.  i have joy that can't be shared.  a full heart that's suffocating from bearing silence.  that, i realize is the exact love and joy to be explosive inside me from God.  that is what it must be like and i yearn for that.  wow.  i've found it.  now i just need to.... reach it.

in him

John 15:5 NIV
5 “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing.

theres nothing that i can think of that is better than for me to be one with God. you are absolutely everything that i am and that i have the potential to be and you.... i need you.  and you want me for yourself to be like you and in you.  thank you for everything that you do for me and for showing me the light.  in this next week and the coming trials of "chaos" i will work harder to be close to your heart.  i cannot be apart from you and better than anything else is for me to pursue you constantly and in everything that i do.  continually remind myself of my dependence and seek you in my everyday life.  there are so many free seconds when i ought to be in dialogue with you.  there are so many occupied seconds when i ought to still be in dialogue with you.  that's a conversation for the ages.

peace everlasting

12-3-2014

John 14:27 NIV

27 Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. it couldn't be more real.  i have like no worries.  i just go from day to day and know that God is with me and then i handle the situation.  just like that.  but Lord, you are the singular one who allows for me live completely in the present and for you.  nothing holds me back because of you and i can know that everything is taken care of.  that is the peace you have left behind with me and that you have given me.  it absolutely isn't like what the world gives.  the world gives and then reclaims.  the world is transient.  the world lies.  the world indulges in itself.  but You are different.  your peace is everlasting and eternal--the greatest and of most depth.  i need not be troubled or afraid.  of nothing shall i worry and preoccupy myself unnecessarily. i've found that apprehension does nothing because the results will be the same, but this does not mean i don't have to put in effort.  on the contrary, i should proceed as i normally would in terms of studying and working, but leave the rest up to You.  that's how i began to handle AP exam season as i learned from you.  that's how i began to handle physiology as i learned that it would be ok.  that is how i must learn to handle this last neurophysiology exam and chemistry and mis lab final.  for now though, im just going to read over neurophysio and trust you.  i know it sets me apart.  knowing how to not stress.  and i also know that you will bless me so many times over with unexpected things through that peace.

Life Force

11-30-2014

To the King eternal, immortal, invisible, to God who alone is wise, be honor and glory forever and ever. Amen
1 Timothy 1:17

God is wise, merits our praise, and is the ultimate eternal immortal invisible--invincible--force of my life.

i wouldn't know what what to do without God.  he is everything for me and makes me whole.  when i saw he is my life force, i mean it because without God, i wouldnt be able to push through this night and make my practical happen tomorrow.  lord, please be with me and continue to make me a better disciple.  may the things i do and the words i say speak volumes in your name and may it glorify you.  may i be a light for you and may people be taken aback by how much of you shines through.

thanksgiving

11-28-2014

4Enter his gates with thanksgiving

and his courts with praise;

give thanks to him and praise his name.

PSALM 100:4

All power honor glory to God, amen.

i have absolutely nothing without God.  but i can give thanks to him and i could continue to do that all day long because that is how wonderful he is.  God is invincible and my strength.  he is MY God.  of all people he loves me.  for that i will be eternally grateful <3

In a Puff of Smoke

on behalf of 11-19-2014

Matthew 7:13 NIV
13 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.

the wide gate leads to destruction and there are many that go through that gate on that path, but the narrow gate is the one you should aim for.

it would be so easy to just partake in the same kinds of activities as everyone else, i think.  to drink and smoke and curse like there's no tomorrow.  i mean, i don't condemn those people--nor do i have a right to do that, and i wont.

with the profanity it was more difficult before and i would be inclined to say things like "d@mn or sh!t".  here i haven't had that issue lately.  a while back i had that issue when texting some people.  but im working on it and i want it to just disappear in a puff of smoke--the way it might be inclined to do as a result of a close walk with you.

the other thing: psalm 119:11 i have hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you.

anyway--the other thing, i ... skipped church on occasion for rounds.  that seems like a bad idea.  and normally they do rounds early enough for me to go to church right afterwards anyways.  so i should totally be doing that....um yea.  church is important.  fellowship with other christians.  remember that, too.

and as far as drink and smokable drugs go, just dont. just dont.  keep your body clear and.... focus on him.  honestly, i kind of think you should spend more time with the hall.  C3 is clean and where it's at.  a good number of them walk with you right?--ok well some of them sorta walk with you.  man, idk.  i'm just trying to figure out how to be your disciple more clearly and how to live for you.

Commitment to Scripture

on behalf of 11-18-2014

11I have hidden your word in my heart that I might not sin against you.
PSALM 119:11

study the word of God and know it in your heart so that when times of need come up, you will already know his will and will be far less likely to falter.

it's important for me to continuing focusing on what you truly will for me and i need to study the word in greater depth.  and commit your word to memory.  that is a place where i am unfortunately faltering and i must admit that at this current time, i know very few verses if like any by memory.

i used to try and make an effort at that, but i haven't been and i've...been sadly neglecting and denying the importance of memorizing scripture.  but it's not something that can just be brushed aside and more than anything it's crucial due to the pressures around me to engage in certain activities, but perhaps knowing directly what you have said about staying true to you on that matter would be helpful to me in standing firm?  im not sure, persay, but i can say with absolutely certainty that following you means knowing what you have said verbatim.  maybe this is something i can work on at a week by week basis and memorizing a verse a week?  then i can gradually build my repertoire of verses.

honestly, i think it will be difficult, but not impossible, and i look forward to what i can learn from that.  i know that i will certainly need your strength to make it happen, but i think it can work if i truly commit myself to you, God.

i have hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you. psalm 119:11

"" quoted by memory. working on it.

In Keeping

on behalf of 11-17-2014

13Now all has been heard;

here is the conclusion of the matter:

Fear God and keep his commandments,

for this is the duty of all mankind.

Ecclesiastes 12:13

this is the fact of the matter--respect the power of God and keep his laws--that is what we are supposed to do.  now that everything is out there and you have so much more background knowledge of your duty to man and have a basic understanding of things.

i totally fell behind >:| and maybe i should know my commandments better, actually..... like. yeah.

anyways though.  in keeping with his commandments i dont think i should be doing certain things.  drinking really isn't what i want to do.  i had said before that i wouldn't and that i didn't want to.  i still don't really think it's my thing and it kind of makes me uncomfortable with myself but i don't have a problem, really, with other people drinking. i dont know.  i just want to maintain my body for Christ, and my speech.  everything about me, i am hoping resounds for christ, but i dont feel like that can happen easily with this group.

i think what she said was right.  when you're living for God, everything sinful dies on its own because of that heart for the Lord.  and it becomes easy.  requires no thought and its like automatic.  that's how i want it to be and i have a passion for that kind of wholesomeness.  with Him on your side, you can do it.

heart knowledge

on behalf 11-15-2014

You make known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand. (Psalm 16:11 NIV)

god shows me the path of life and brings me joy, by being there alone I smile, he is the source of eternity.

I need to from here on out keep an intense watch on my blood alcohol level--thats something that I'm now... going to have to never let get out of hand considering I've had a little bit to drink. it could easily get out of control and so I'm just extra cautious in my thinking. I wanna drink at the next flinn party, but tbh beside that I don't want to. not in Chicago. it's a bad place and time for that.

I swear I know how to have fun. promise. my favorite things to do though and my free time gets devoted to the hospital and I LOVE IT.  those are my earthly pressures. those times. I can only imagine what God might have in store for me above(:

work

11-16-2014

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. (Ephesians 3:20, 21 NIV)

praise to God who is more powerful thatn we could possibly imagine and who lives on forever and ever.

he is incredible and more than the constraints of our limited imagination. we have nothing to fear of and even when we are in supplication for his assistance he exceeds hopes. he is.

there is nothing to be fearful of with God on my side. I'm so grateful to him for my peace of mind and ability to, with his strength, prioritize him. and to prioritize other necessary things in my life. he knows me inside and out. even though other people don't rly understand why I love the hospital so much and spend so much time there, God knows.

most importantly perhaps is that he works on us and in us. I must allow him to do that and guide me in everything. guide me towards him and to be close to him regardless of alcohol. I shall necessarily be careful because I must maintain my purity for God and not only in terms of my heart for him but physically and mentally in the direction of my life as I strive to glorify him. work in me.

martyrdom: kill my hypocrisy

11-14-2014

I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live."

(John 11:25)

god is resurrection and life. through him I have everything and through him is life despite death. 

i can't help but think of my own stupid hypocrisy. I say I want to be a martyr for Christ but even praying in front of other people is awkward to me. that's wrong. so that's what I'm going to move towards today. NOT being awk and just praying because im not ashamed of you. and my actions should show it!!

Don't Fall

11-13-2014

When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. (James 1:13, 14 NIV)

God does not tempt any, but each person is enticed away by their own evil desire and by evil himself. But God does not associate with evil and acts out of only holy justice.

don't blame god for anything that trips you up and remind yourself to ask him to remove that which might cause you to trip. not only that but be sure to not cause the stumbling of others. if another person seems susceptible to something which you are impervious. still be gracious on behalf of the other person and help them struggle through it. be there for your brothers and sisters in Christ.  and never forget that you are all crucial components of the body and no brother or sister is greater than the next.  have no arrogance and instead be loving and uplifting as he would be towards you.

Great Awe

11-12-2014

Yours, Lord, is the greatness and the power and the glory and the majesty and the splendor, for everything in heaven and earth is yours. Yours, Lord, is the kingdom; you are exalted as head over all. (1 Chronicles 29:11 NIV)

God is the greatest and to him belongs all power honor and glory. the heavens and earth belong to him and he reigns.

in consideration of God, who his essence is. pure and good I'm so inadequate and fall so short but at the same time he loves me!? and wants a relationship with me?!! it's mind blowing and I can only help but remain in awe of him.

daily--and exalt the one who made it al

A Fountain of Joy

11-11-2014

Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls. (1 Peter 1:8, 9 NIV)

even though I cannot see God with my eyes, I have faith in his existence and power and am at peace because of it. there is a joy inexpressible associated with love for him, and I want that. and I want to share it. I'm not certain that I've been able to acquire it for myself, but my desire for it is insatiable.  the source of that joy is Christ himself and the remarkable love he has for us astounds me.  the joy comes from salvation in God for our souls.

daily prayer is necessary. constantly thinking of him, crucial. I want to know God and...to encounter him would be mind-blowing but I don't... want to necessarily experience God before others...? is there a way to believe and have faith and no shame but... not express myself or be violently expressed through on front of other people? maybe I don't know what I'm saying and maybe I'm wrong...

but as I pursue you in the different ways that I know how. there's got to be a next step to grow me in you and our relationship to deepen.  I know that you want to know me--as much, and honestly probably more than, I want to know you.

stir my heart for you and may I glorify you with my person and actions--not just as a going-through-the-motions kind of Christian. I'm..... seriously going to work on language.

A Life for Him

10-10-2014~

For it is God’s will that by doing good you should silence the ignorant talk of foolish people. Live as free people, but do not use your freedom as a cover-up for evil; live as God’s slaves. (1 Peter 2:15, 16 NIV)

by doing good, you should blow people away and those who are foolish without a regard for His will, they will be silenced--embarrassed regarding their own foolishness. do not live just as the good and free putting evil to shame, but rather, live as Gods slaves and actively proclaim his name--slavery for his name is not slavery at all, but actual  salvation. chained to perfection all things good and holiness? yes please.

when living for god it should be utterly and completely obvious that he is the one for which you are doing all things and being.  don't cover up the evil but use goodness to reveal the evil and show the world what's really up. to be a bright light shining out--one that can't be hidden by darkness.

be an open Christian. don't hide who you are. show it openly in the things you say and do. be courageous and proclaim it without shame.

pray in front of others without hesitation.

Every

on behalf of 10-9-2014

Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful. (Colossians 4:2 NIV)

pray everyday whenever in a waking moment. dedicate yourself to remembering the needs of others and to asking the lord to watch over and protect you. he'll do it anyways, but prayer is so necessary.  be aware of the greatness of God, and also be thankful.

I for one should remember to pray when I wake up and when I go to sleep.  the point is to make prayer a constant daily habit.  at every free second to talk to god about what's going on and let him have my whole person.  I am working on this.

apart from darkness

11-8-2014

John 1:5 NIV
5 The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

good reveals itself most where all around only evil is to be found, but the darkness does not block out the good or stifle it.

God is the light and brightens us also.  as the greatest of the lights, he transferred the flame to us while maintaining his own fierce light but proliferating brightness to the nations.  with that, the darkness can do naught but hide.

in standing apart from the darkness, i cannot be light without eliminating all darkness and in the same way darkness cannot be so without a complete absence of light.

i will be a light though.  i will work to grow into you and for your Glory. 

Interceding

11-7-2014

For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Christ Jesus, who gave himself as a ransom for all people. This has now been witnessed to at the proper time. (1 Timothy 2:5, 6 NIV)

there is just one God and Christ Jesus who died on the cross for our sins and this something that we now have witnessed in flesh and reading and by witnesses to Christs essence. there's only one way to god and Christ is a necessary in between because of my humanity and tragic sinfulness. 

I am not to worship things other than go for let anything else become an idol in my life. I'm committed to Christ forever and always and I wish to please him and for others to know where I stand with god.

one thing is that things only happen by Gods planning. I can help but imagine that tonight--archery tag, pinkberry, the cellar, fries, quesadillas, karaoke singalongs, fireflies, walking back to arbol in the cold but sweater availability, wow. what a plan. 

listening

11-6-2014

Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise. Those who disregard discipline despise themselves, but the one who heeds correction gains understanding. (Proverbs 15:31, 32 NIV)

if I listen to the advice of those who know better, then I am going to be more do among people with an awareness for good life decisions--ones which would most likely keep us protected while simultaneously glorifying god.  but whoever ignores good advice will fall and blunder and be frustrated and upset at him or herself as a result of it. faltering and then correcting the error however will result in an acquisition of knowledge and understanding. an improvement.

what does that mean for me? keep your ears peeled for Gods directions. especially any that indicate a need for me to change and correct myself.  what is he saying..... one thing might be--just letting go of unnatural mentorships. I think you should ask Matt on that one and see what he thinks.

A Living Sacrifice

on behalf of 11-5-2014

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship. (Romans 12:1 NIV)

A note to Christians: offer up yourselves to God as a sacrifice, may his will guide your life and actions and may you obey him--bringing him glory through your life and with your life itself serving as a form of worship.

this seems incredibly unclear to me with regards to what particular actions are deemed glorifying, but at this time, I feel that I'm aware enough of God and what life for him looks like in the flesh to be comfortable with what my directions are if you will.

I will give you the entire project--the endeavor to stamp out homelessness. it's yours. my relationships with professors?  yours. I'll let it happen naturally? at your prompting I might work on particular ones.

do well in a class. make conversation with them about who knows what. leave the rest up to you for casual discussion of life.

but mostly it just all comes down to trusting you and giving up my life to you. and I think that's a bit harder in practice than thought, but still, I can do it. because of you, anything is possible.

please, speak.

on behalf of 11-4-2014

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ. (Galatians 1:10 NIV)

instead of pleasing those around me, I ought to please God alone and serve him. for him only. I myself told my sister that she should seek to glorify god in her life as her ultimate career goal and it would be hypocritical to fail to follow that myself.

god . you have timing of your own but how do I integrate myself into that? especially where hes concerned. do _i_ take that extra step and get to know him? I have a semester and a half.... direction?! which pleases you, lord? 

speak, I'm listening.

Love Preceding

11-3-2014

Luke 4:18 NIV
18 “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to set the oppressed free,

It is my job as a Christian to share the good news with those who don't know him and I am his messenger to explain the freedom they have from sin now in light of christ's salvation.  the blind--who've ever made any mistake--dont have to remain so.  the chains of sin can fall.

i want to know others with the same love for you as me.  i want to know those who love you more than me.  who are my age and love you more than me.  someone who i can grow with, grow alongside.  i'm so happily surprised by this possibility.  thrilled, really.  i don't know whether this is something worth pursuing or what you have in mind for me, but i've never ever in my life heard of something so beautiful.  his love for you precedes him.  thats his reputation.  what a wonderful one to have.  it makes my heart leap(:

because what if there really is someone who wants to share the good news?  a young man after your own heart?  who would want to go out in the world and--we could potentially pursue you together?  wow.  i'm ecstatic.  what do you want for me, God?  i'm leaving these chains behind.  i'm coming up out of the valley of the shadow of death.  i fear no evil.  You are my strong castle and power.  i'm ready for anything as i walk alongside you.

i worked hard today, and i will work hard tomorrow.  i will focus on you and continually pursue you daily.  a relationship with you.  a true desire for you.  living intentionally.  wow.

Make me yours

11-2-2014

The Lord confides in those who fear him; he makes his covenant known to them. My eyes are ever on the Lord, for only he will release my feet from the snare.

PSALM 25:14-15

God shares his plans with those who fear and recognize who he really is, what he is capable, what it truly means to be a child of God--he makes his promise known to them and they can take comfort in that knowledge and in the safety of his wings.  My eyes are on the Lord, and I follow him closely, doing my absolute best to live according to his ways and I know that only he can free me from the traps of sin.  He is the only one for me.  Only God is capable of salvation for my life.

I'm working on a stronger relationship with God.  He confides in those who fear him?  Well, I ought to be confiding in the Lord more often, myself.  I ought to share with him my innermost secrets and desires and my thoughts and dreams and then I will grow in him.  That's the ultimate goal anyway.  Right now, I'm in a process of reformation.  I had fallen off and let this relationship go to the wayside, but no more.

God, you are important to me and I need to start living more like it.  I have to redevelop this ultimately incredible joy for fellowshipping with you and for sharing my life with you!  Please help me to want you the way I wanted you before.  Don't let me grow soft and complacent.  Make my desire burn for you and thirst.  Don't let me be satisfied with this mediocrity of life and these mistakes.  Make me yours and may I chase after you once again.

God is.

on behalf of 11-1-2014

18The Lord is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth.

19He fulfills the desires of those who fear him;

he hears their cry and saves them.

God is near those that ask him to help them live like him and he is there for those who fear him in the sense of fear as respect and awe for his power and understanding regarding his greatness. for those in need of his help, who cry out to him, he goes to their aid and rescues them. he doesn't necessarily prevent them from being touched as a shield, but he does play a role to a degree of blocking that obstacle or at the very least assisting in the overcoming of that obstacle.

so what does that mean for me? i ought to call him at all times of day. before and after sleep. when im in a relaxed time.  when im stressed out.  God is there for all times and for that i am so eternally grateful.  i will work in his time and at a reasonable rate.