Where Am I Going

on behalf of october 12, 2015

i've been really terrible at this.

like absolute crap.  a lot of things are starting to unravel, and i don't like it.  i feel like the distance is growing, and its killing me.  it makes me hurt.  i don't know what's happening in my life.  i feel like i'm losing track of everything that's happening.

i find that rather unacceptable.  i feel like everything is lost.  it's not necessarily that i have personally lost control because you are supposed to be the one in control all along anyways.  i think its more like i have tried to take too much control but i dont know what to do with it all and then things just end up being all over the place in chaos because i'm not allowing for you to do what you usually do and work the magic that is your glory.

be strong IN YOU and your great power.

alone, i am nothing, but with you i can be anything you want me to be.

i need to be better about this and pay attention.  i need to make progress in my relationship with you.  relationships without building wither.  i know i can always come back to you, but that's not what it's supposed to be like.  it's supposed to be continually blossoming and maybe there will be rough patches, but if i let go, then i just lose.  i lose everything and all the progress.  and that can't be it.

Forward

October 10, 2015

I keep my eyes always on the Lord . With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
Psalm 16:8 NIV
http://bible.com/111/psa.16.8.NIV

You are my strength and in you no obstacle is too great for me to overcome. I say that all the time, but it's a different question whether or not I truly believe it. I want to say that I do, but the reality may be that there's some skeptism the shadows my faith in practice. I know that I can always turn back to you, that I should always turn forward to you, actually. But when struggles come, where am o actually going? I want to say you, but I know that isn't as true as I would like to think.

So here's to you and facing forward. No one else really has any power over what will happen to me. You are the sole commander of the universe. The stars tremble in your presence and traverse the galaxies only at your beckoning.

Fruitful

On behalf of September 25, 2015

Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.
1 Corinthians 15:58 NIV
http://bible.com/111/1co.15.58.NIV

Own your faith.  Be firm and know exactly what you believe.  Learn how articulate the Lord's word to others and do so with care and love.  Do so cautiously.  Be true to the word but also to the spirit of christ.

And nothing for the lord will be useless.  He will make every little step count for something greater. Of that, have absolutely no fear.

He makes your single effort multiply and its certainly not in vain.  It pays off even if in ways that are unexpected.  Even in places unexpected. Keep that in mind when discouraged about the progress of the Lord's work where visible. We are limited in our scope but he sees all. There is much to be done. But we'll eventually climb to that point.

Shedding selfishness

on behalf of september 23, 2015

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.
Colossians 3:12 NIV
http://bible.com/111/col.3.12.NIV

I have a responsibility to myself.  I must be loving and kind and every good thing just as the land would be were he in this position. he loved so very intensely that there could hardly be doing as to his character of notices. No one is THAT good in the name of selfishness.

Clearly humility, gentleness and patience are my biggest flaws.... I didn't think of it before but even though I might have a decent amount of patience, especially with children, I'm not so sure about it elsewhere. The bigger things are the humility and gentleness.

Humility.... Every time I speak it sounds like I'm apparently in to show off. Boasting is certainly a weakness of mine. Not just that but I am ...prone to selfishness and a desire to center on myself.  For some absurd reason I like to talk about myself.  Most people don't care or will not let me. Most people just go on and on about themselves.... And that's my inclination but I try to ask about others. A lot of the times this means that I end up just listening. Which is valuable.  So what this means is that I.... Need to work on eliminating that feeling of frustration which artists from my saltfish desires and from being unable to fulfill that.

What about gentleness? I'm really not a manifestation of that.  I have so much to work on that note.  I've worked on appearance and nourishing my body well (physically).  I've worked on exercise, though I could certainly do more even.  But that's just the beginning.  The next thing is personality and gentleness of the soul.  That is meekness and a heart for serving.  Thats my next step.  Moving to be like you.  Moving to care less about what people think of me and what they know about me. 

Only you matter. Nothing is for my glory, but your glory.  And that will be how I lose myself to save my soul for you.

Recentering

On behalf of September 26, 2015

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
1 Corinthians 13:4-5 NIV
http://bible.com/111/1co.13.4-5.NIV

Your love is perfection. True love modeled after yours is all we ever need. 

It goes back in circles to the traits that matter most.  Do not boast or be proud.  Every man and woman is in their own course according to the plans of the Lord above.  I accomplished none of the things another might credit to me, instead, they are the Lord's achievements and doing.

Self seeking.  that's another big thing.  remember that everything is for you and not me.  Not my glory but yours.  Recentering myself on that is a big part of what being a disciple is all about.

Into This

On behalf of September 24, 2015

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
Psalm 139:13-14 NIV
http://bible.com/111/psa.139.13-14.NIV

You know everything about me.  You created me.  You knew me before I was me.  You knew me before the thought had occurred to possibly lead to my conception.

Out of nothing I became this.  And I have substance, a heart and a soul.  I have my soul and you give me the whole world to shape in your name and to carry out service in your name.

Submission in Hope and Prayer

On behalf of September 27, 2015

I urge, then, first of all, that petitions, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for all people— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness.
1 Timothy 2:1-2 NIV
http://bible.com/111/1ti.2.1-2.NIV

They come from the lord, the authorities do.  In submission to them, may we live and pray.

It seems like a more removed subject and I imagine the president or governor being established.  But it goes beyond that.  (On the note of governor, I suppose that means Doug ducey was placed here for some reason, and all we can do is pray for him because he is seriously an incompetent leader and seems hell-bent on driving Arizonan higher education into the ground. I pray now that you would be with him Lord and help to direct his decisions.  I know he claims to be yours but sometimes I'm not so sure and so I just ask that you would help guide him.)

But what's beyond that?

School figures and instructors and parental units and all the rigid/sometimes less rigid forms of bureaucratic institutions that are possible.  And I'm to pray for all of them.  You work through each of them.

I just hope that some way or another people will be able to see that work sooner than later.  But in the meantime I understand my responsibility better now.  Now may I go out and live it out.

A Long Way

on behalf of october 3, 2015

if i love You, you will make your home with me and your spirit lives in me.  i can always be sure of that.  and last night (october 8), i realized that ive made it a long long way.  i'm not there yet.  not by any means.

but the thing is that i'm progressing.  i blinked and i'm progressing.  it took a while.  i dont really think that i DID anything  i only really let time pass.  i dont know if you wanted me to go to phoenix last week.  i don't know how it would have happened ideally.  but i do know that i've finally found my way to you.  closer to you anyhow.

he doesn't pull my heart strings anymore.  i might feel a little, but it doesn't really affect me.  i might think about it, but only very occasionally.  i'm speeding ahead like there's no tomorrow towards something better.  towards you.  you fulfill me.  and all i need to to catch up with you everyday.  i want it to be so ingrained in my life that i thirst and experience withdrawals for you.

fill my life and make me whole.  i can see light.

Enough

october 6, 2015

this is absolutely everything i want.

regardless of what people say about You, i want to always love you and pursue you
i want to want more.
it's not enough for me
it'll never be enough for me
but for you, you love me such that it is enough.

and that just makes me want to want ever more.

so i can absorb all the love and understand even just a fraction more.

show me everything.  i want you to be my whole world like nothing and no one else can be.

Your Words

on behalf of october 4, 2015

your words give us life that's never-ending.  your word gives us love that never fails.  everything else will fade away but one thing remains, all your words.

You are eternal and everything about you is permanent.  in their hearts, men plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.  psalm 16:9

what does this mean for me?  you are forever, and i have nothing to fear.  you will always take care of me and my future.  and you will use me for your own glory.

as for me, knowing that your words will never pass away, i must live more like it.  every word is revolutionary and bright.  knowing that should infinitely shape the way i live and carry out my life.  in everything, i need to show you.  how can i really do that better?  perhaps by generosity.  and spreading the Good News.  and.... well, dialoguing with you and having that posture of prayer all the time.

love is wanting to be with you always and missing you when i'm not.  love is wanting to know more about you and what you're thinking of me.  love is that feeling of a hole if youre not there.  but youre always there, and i dont feel that hole.  i think its misleading because love is often to be chased after. but you want to be loved.  and to love us.  so we dont have to aimlessly chase.  we have to go after your heart in the sense of work.  that's a difference. so long as we work for you, you will be there and we will get to know you better.

so bring me to want you ever more.  i chase, but i should pursue you with much greater fervor.  may the flame in my heart burn brighter.

Unwarping

october 5, 2015

as i learn to follow your upright and holy ways, i should hope that i am able to be a light to others.  your laws are righteous and good. give me a chance to follow and take what i am and make it infinitely better.  may my explanations of your letter and law be glorious and accurate.  far too many people think christians are just plain stupid because they have a warped perception of what you are and who you are.  but as a disciple, part of my job is to be the real thing.  help me to get there.