Oh My Soul

2 peter 3:9

when God is asked for patience, he doesnt magically give you patience.  instead, he gives you plenty of opportunities to be patience and to practice that which you asked for. and as a result of those many opportunities, then you grow.  he doesnt just magically make you better, but he's there for you to count on and sends people to do things that will guide you along the way as you journey towards him.  its not slowness or any failure to act or procrastination on God's part thats making the answer to your questions come at a "delay."  instead, it is that he's wanting to give you that necessary time to reshape yourself and the chance to rely on his strength and your knowledge of his omniscient presence. this is the mechanism of God's love and care for our souls.  he doesnt want us lost or for us to perish. if we were expected to change in a heartbeat once and for all, it would be kinda horrific if we couldn't do it.  wow... that really would suck :x

so what am i supposed to do about that?
wellll, seeing as my problem is profanity at the moment... and ive been talking about it for at least the last week or so, i think this is meant as an encouragement to me. God is still there and ready to help me out at anytime.  in fact, this verse alone is evidence to me of his commitment to being my Father.  i'm never to be afraid because of him and i can always take security in him <3 i'm getting the time to correct this problem for sure.  already today, ive come across a few pitfall chances to crash and either straight up cuss or to throw out substitute lettering like the @ $ ! 3 or any number of things.  i did say "h3llish" now that i think about it... but... no excuses _smh at self_. ok but im getting a touch better and this is going to happen eventually.

im coming back to you, O Lord.

Convicted

psalm 119:1-2

to be honest, theres nothing more strongly convicting me of my transgressions that these past few days and the verses most lately impressed upon me. God blesses those who follow him, who pursue his own heart and ways and walk according to those ways. he blesses those who follow his laws and truly love him and abandon their own desires to be with him and be as he is.

ive failed so miserably in the line of profane language, but im committing myself to reversing the terribly horrific damage thats been done. it might never be truly fixed once the neuropathways have been created in my brain to slip, but i can try to do everything in my power to block them up and insert neurological obstacles that impede traffic to the point where its like new?  well, only God can make it truly like new, but i can and must also do my part. ready set go.

No Hypocrisy Here

romans 1:17

 

what does it actually mean for the righteous to live by faith? i think it must have to do with how our actions will line up with what we profess to believe if we truly believe in it. As the MSG version explains, "the person in right standing before God by trusting him really lives." i take this to mean that if we really believe we'll not only go out and do what we say, but faith within us will shine through and we'll glow for God, thereby "confirming what Scripture has said all along."

now i have to figure out how that translate into my own life...

well. on second thought, its pretty straight forward. no hypocrisy here--do that which you profess and turn from sin. dont give just part of yourself over to God and continue doing some things on your own, your way. thats not how it goes. like mentioned during sunday school with the story of samson and delilah. samson said that she was right in his eyes, but clearly she wasn't in God's eyes.  yet, he kept that part of himself--tbh he kept like all of himself--away from the righteousness of God and he paid the price for it.

yo. stop cussing. its not cool and you know it. no hypocrisy here. #currentstruggles

King of All Things Glorious and Good

psalm 33:4-5

God is everything good that you or i could possibly ever imagine and everything of Him is wonderful. he remembers all of his children, down to every last detail about them and he takes care to watch over them throughout their lives and through every up or down be it an easy medium or hard struggle and even in the good times he is there smiling. the only thing missing perhaps is an invitation for God to the party at those grand celebratory moments because he was the one who contributed so so much to those times and blessed us with opportunity and the love and talents which bore fruit, which yielded joy and happiness and a revelation of Gods glory within the community(:

all things good are from God. it ought to become more of a habit--praising the Lord for his kindness and grace. and regardless of the time or sleepiness he comes first because i came first before even his son, he loved me that much to give christ up. essentially, i must finish writing my love letter of the week to him tonight. hes alrdy had to wait a day longer ):< 

No Surprise

1 corinthians  2:9
so God blesses us unexpectedly and surprises us when we least expect it most likely. we wont always get that straightforward yes or no right away, but we will eventually be answered by God so long as our eyes and ears are peeled for his reply to our cries and prayers and questions and supplications and just general dialogue.

never think something is impossible for you because God could make something like that--such a drastic change--come about in your life. because he can and if its in the blueprints, he most certainly will. and i shall not concern myself with the "scary nature" of this brewing gmo society that intimidates me to death because God is by my side and will not let it crush me regardless. 

to God, i pray for strength in combatting pressures and fears and i pray for courage to stand up in his name. i also pray for motivation to continue in my own pursuits for his glory and to hasten in preparing those necessary materials before the summers out. in his name i do lift this prayer up. amen.

There

isaiah 41:10

God is my protector and will be my rock and strength as seek to move away from all things evil and nearer to those things like him. ultimately he is the one who changes hearts but at the same time I can help him out.

praying is not the last resort but rather it ought to be the first. and I really really ought to pay immediately when I rise in the morning. throughout the day, when driving, before sleeping, God is supposed to be on my mind all day errday :X he's my main man, there for me all the time, and I should be there all the time as well because that's how I grow, how I know God better. 

to God, I ask for help being more like him and bringing others with me on this journey.

Dare You to Move

psalm 139:23-24

God knows me inside and out and my heart is an open book to him and he has searched me and knows my inadequacies and yet he loves me. but he also calls me to grow and become more Christ like. I...feel as though he is calling me to drop my desire to necessarily fit in... and to be a godly young woman. isn't it so that if I strive myself with other equally righteous and Christian youths then there should be no reason to allow for profane words to penetrate my daily lexicon?

oh how I know it's so and yet ive struggled and surely  faltered :( I say this. get away from those whose language is unpleasant and whose actions gush of conscious sin. near those who ate youths after God's own heart. that party animal, take care and.. cautiously step away :x do that first and foremost starting today.

definition: worth it: sufficient to merit companionship (Linds-lish)

matthew 26:66

they thought him worthy of dying, as punishment, no doubt since i didnt read around the verse for context. on that note, it can also be s as something was necessary in order to make it "acceptable" for christ to be crucified and before our time comes, we must have done our best as matyrs for God--though we clearly wouldnt go lots out of the way just to be killed.  that honestly helps absolutely no one.

i must try to be worth dying. bc it might be the end at any moment, but i think the most important thing is to be human, not robotic and to dress/speak moderately. thats the only way at the mall and i actually think i was pretty good about it at lab wednesday, but....
and honestly the more im in christian environments, the more my linguistic situation ought to improve. tomorrow lets try and be cleaner especially at home. so far at home so good...? :x

II: juntos

james 5:15

praying for each other in order to ask for healing and atonement from wrong doing. it is good in Gods eyes and fellowship with other christians is one of the best and most fulfilling experiences a disciple can have. of that im essentially positive.

mutual love, a similar degree of spiritual attainment, there are also important in the long run process of building each other up in Christ.

i think maybe ive found a confidant like that in ac and jc. its hard to say for sure, but as ive tlked to the latter in particular, God basically comes up in every conversation and i love that. i will strive to build with jc to glorify God more.

Be a Shy Guy. shhh, its a secret.

matthew 6:1

be christlike without flaunting it with words and pointing your goodness out. if you are truly shining the light of christ, all will see it without a word. not only that, but honestly do not do it out in the open with expectations of notice, bc God is the only one you should be trying to impress and catch the attention of. not society and man. do good deeds in private where they will still benefit the needy and sick, but without the populars in sight. without _anyone_in sight if you can.

a lot of it comes down to humility before others. its not necessary for the whole world to know my SATs/ACT scores or for everyone to be aware of my flinn status and extracurricular activites, at all. rather, i ought to do my best and try hard in all those things, but be discrete. no one at the hospital rly needs to know about my scholarships and no one needs to rly be in on operation origami. it can remain a private thing just for the patients and myself. lets say thats my goal for the next while on this matter.

Full-fledged

luke 6:27-28

in short, every good thing should be done for those who wish bad things upon us. for those we dislike we ought to make an extra effort to be kind and demonstrate Christs love in fuller than full force--since it should be in a perpetually high outflow from our actions anyways.

its rough talking to patients and showing that love. now, they may not be enemies but theyre not close friends or anything like that. so its hard. and seriously requires courage and no fear. to God, i ask for strength tomorrow in appropriately loving and giving all of myself--investing myself completely in the patients as opposed to just barely stopping before going on and focusing on distribution quantity versus quality. i want to go back to how it used to be. may the Lord's spirit guide me in all this, amen.

I'm not afraid. Well, I am but I'm working on not being afraid.

1 john 4:18

these posts used to be longer but now..i think it must be bad because my conversations with God are, by default from this written dialogue, shorter as well...

anyhow, it must mean that there is no fear in perfect love bc in that circumstance, a person is aware of how much God is in control and how his oniscient nature and omnipotent essence defies anything we could possibly fear. so those who are afraid have yet to fully comprehend the Lord's abilities to protect us and bear fruit in the world through us.

with such being the case, i would say that i am obligated to proclaim his glory fearlessly because nothing can hurt me as i am his. freedom in sharing and praying when im visitng patients... yeah. lets go.

Filling Up My Glass

psalm 63:1

God fulfills where nothing else can and he closes that gaping whole within us.

by letting God into my life and really placing him on the throne over myself, more can become of the situation than would ever be possible for me alone. as the king you are my first priority and i will be sure to do my devotionals in spite of any other activities.

i also have another chance to be patient with mom and dad's nagging... so i just ask Him to help me remain calm at all times and refrain from raising my voice... all this i ask in christs name, amen. :x

The Veracity of Love

1 john 3:16

do as christ did and love. love unconditionally and wholeheartedly. love all your brothers and sister and the ones who dont even think theyre part of the family. love so much it hurts, til it drains you and then God will fill you back up again so you can love even more and bring his children closer to him. that is what this means.

it also means that i ought to give more of myself than i expect from others and without abandon but with caution against abuse of an extreme kind. failure to receive in return is acceptable, but twisting love into sin and falling for that is unacceptable. i will seek guidance from the Lord in all and follow him. God is love and from him i know comes all things good, all power, all glory. let me love today when i go out with amigos. that ride home doe.

condemned

luke 6:37
there's a certain philosophy that ive taken to having regarding the "sins" of others against me. i can't condemn or judge others else i'd be a hypocrite and the problems will never stop. soo honestly this verse is super duper straight forward and im just obligated to be loving because i have and am sometimes lost in the waves as well.

in application though, i really think just letting mom and dad off the hook is the way to go. its easier on the family dynamics and means i dont really have to talk about our problems. sometimes a surface relationship is sufficient when everyone's totally stressed out and busy. more importantly though i think God would hope for me to honestly hold nothing against them. just ... love. i need to think of something for them before i go off to college i guess. man. its all so rough and ive seen terrible at treating my parents right...particularly in the last day or two ): 

beyond that even though--with other people outside the family. no judgment but pure conscientiousness of others is crucial. i...can only say that i have work to do :P

Sing Sing Sing

psalm 103:1-2

Gods graces extend beyond what i could ever fathom in a million years and for that all praise be to him. never forget what he does and gives.

ive been missing the morning prayer. i should be ecstatic each morning to even wake up and live. tomorrow needs to change that. i will jump out of bed and praise God for the breath in my body and the spring in my step! (: :X

Never say never

romans 11:33

the message is relatively simple, it seems. never be surprised because Gods wisdom and judgment and power ggoes beyond anything we could fathom. he's full of it--fullt of beautiful surprises~

open your eyes to the windows out there that hes set up just for you. and thank him. pray, rejoice(: nothings impossible for him. i mean look where heks taken me now!^^

thriving unfettered.

jeremiah 32:17 

everything is within Gods reach and possible. i couldnt be in better hands and he will take care of me.

theres certain sketchy things in life that people fear. but i need not because Gods on my side. and knowing that should be such a solace that i should be worry free. failing to be is like... criminal almost. tomorrow i trust in you and that youll do incredible things for lydia. and, seems as always, me. <3

Eat, Pray, Love 2.0

1 thessalonians 5:16

it sounds simple, right? rejoice, pray, and give thanks. but the frequency of this command is, id say, what gets us. i've been trying to rejoice and give thanks more for sure. i know that i consciously make an effort to thank god for all these blessings everyday. but i still dont know or think that i speak to him enough. theres something to be said for telling him whats up and conversing with him about whats up. in a conversation you grow and find out about him, a quality of his, or yourself and how to sprout or mature further depending on your status at the time.

application1, smile more. its an outward witnessing mechanism of rejoicing(: application2, take the time to fold your hands in prayer. the food wont go anywhere and you can spare the minute. just eat it faster afterwards. application3, give thanks at both the beginning and end of the day. its important.

Wronged

colossians 3:13
forgive others who've hurt you as God forgave you. 

a few things immediately come to mind:two things actually. first, a certain guy pisses me off--a lot. hes brash and not that great but thinks everyone loves him. and hes fond of bragging to me about his accomplishments. but God loves him anyway and i must find a way to be ok with him and hope for his improved self. besides that im seriously going to have to deal with him in the future so i might as well get used to it now. forgive....and dont hold him accountable for those previous encounters? i think its more like just chill even if hes around.

because the second thing is this:at home there are a lot of things up that make life complicated and the family certainly isnt perfect. forgive for all the transgressions and trespasses made by home members. just learn to deal with it and dont say anything regardless. be flexible and versatile, yo.

thats how things lay...

The Antithesis of Design

matthew 5:41

love your enemy and pray for those who persecute you. thats pretty straightforward, i would say, in its meaning and for anyone who isnt your closest friend, perhaps, or who really makes your life more difficult, just pray for them to know God and possibly be... more agreeable?

tomorrow i think i ought to pray more and really work on that. in particular for some friends who dont know Him yet. they dont persecute me and theyre certainly not enemies, but i feel like that the most productive and beneficial thing to do at the moment.

wait for justice

proverbs 20:22

take heart in the lord, he'll take care of everything and ensure the service of justice. we need not heed the rush of vengeful sentiments. God'll put it all back.

patience is important and all things come eventually. thanks for patience with a certain OB in L&D. also, tomorrow will be my opportunity to be patient with qRT PCR.

Tabla Rosa

1 john 1:9

if we confess our sins, God loves us and has mercy--he forgives us for our wrongdoings. we have the chance to start over again, fresh, new, he wont even see those mistakes, just you in purity as his son christ was pure. you make us like tabla rosa and there is nothing upon us, no scars or marks or records. we're free to restart and be like him and be in his image.

ive made a lot of mistakes...cursings just not good...but why does it have to be so effective in bonding people T-T i know its wrong to disrespect my parents and use profane language, and i will keep it out of the house but D: its easier to atone and make right denying the reality of this blog. and thats pretty hard. i was successful in professing my christianity and recognizing its significance in my life as ive grown up at least though. maybe a lack of appreciation was an issue though. ive been relatively consistent with my daily cards of blessings. 

oh... lying... bad. no lying about where ive been to mom tomorrow...skirt around it and dont answer the question otherwise things best unknown will come up...but dont lie! just be...private and not completely transparent for her own good. 

Free at Last

romans 8:2

we are free from sin and death because of jesus christ. we dont have to be bound by satan and evil ways.

i cant do good because of christ. i died to myself and am new. and as such i ought to behave accordingly--as a new person would. i will respect my parents and refrain from nasty comebacks or insults. honestly right now I'm ashamed though.for denying you by hiding my blog. I....don't know how I feel about others seeing it. translation: I'm dearly afraid of others reading it and judging me when I should only be brave and joyous because it celebrates my faith. God shall strengthen me for the courage to say what it really is...

Worry Not.

romans 8:18
this struggle pales in comparison to the awesomeness to come and its worth every first world problem--or other issue--that might arise.

fight it out and persevere because God is almighty and amazing and when he's finished with you, finished growing you through this particular incident, you'll be an obvious mark of his power. itll be apparent that you are set apart by his touch on your life and others will see that and turn to him.

i will not worry and think ahead on my schedule. i will take it in stride, in a present chunk at a time, and trust God. i will not worry....everytime im about to worry i must repeat romans 8:18 to myself. i must memorize it today.

Die

1 john 4:10
God giving us, sacrificing for us, his only son on the cross is love.

he loved and so we should love. we should want to "die" to our sinful selves and sacrifice for the sake of others salvation. wanting them to be better and dying inside when knowing they havent found God yet.

i think learning love is important and i havent made very strong efforts to find a church yet in tucson. tomorrow my goals to send dr. walters an email--take her up on the offer and draft it at least even if i wait before sending til august.  and maybe moving on that flinn fellowship. hm.

First in My Heart

matthew 6:33
God should come first always and when he does, everything else good and true will follow and i should not worry--within reason of course and i still have to work and i mean you know what this is trying to say. it doesnt mean like just read the bible all day because that doesnt spread God's word to others, it means like actually use your actions and works to illustrate your righteous faith.

how do i show that i put God first? do those things pertinent to getting to know him better no matter what and try to do them first before anything else so that they actually get done. er....ive been putting devotionals at the end of the day and im not sure if it has efficacy for my next day... i should think yes but maybe its time to move it to the morning.... God, i will be intentional with Him about this. but theres one thing for sure--the prayer and frequency is not happening the way i tried to project onto myself as an application. i need to do something new and try harder tomorrow until it happens!!!

Characterizing an Enigma

psalm 33:18

God guides and protects his children who respect him and seek that holy and almighty power of his and a relationship with him.

everytime i think of God im blown away bc of his perfection and it just heartens me so. and knowing i can actually contribute to his glory in spite of my own flaws--its priceless. its hard to imagine what perfection is. most even fictional characters lack it--but aslan, written as a christ like figure, shows us that. and maybe its just due to my obsession with good voice acting, but optimus prime, though he is completely selfsufficient, shows a lot of incredible strength of character and more frequent screen appearances which contribute to his dimensionality. which is something a bit lacking with infrequent appearances of aslan, but those add to his enigma--which God certainl can be at times.

anyhow. seeking and hoping in his love matters. im not to focus on what ill be able to do for gods kingdom in the future so much as what i can do for it now.  tomorrow i can respect my parents, continue working to clean up my mind of profanity, and i can show some appreciative initiative by washing the dishes without being asked.

Showcase

2 timothy 1:7

dont be timid, instead be full of Gods love power and discipline and demonstrate these in everything you do.

i can be disciplined and rely on Gods power by running again tomorrow morning. love reveals itself in a note of thanks to mom and dad which i said i would do before but didnt still. and Gods power comes through restraint as well as shows of strength for me i will restrain myself from profanity... thats still my struggle but tomorrow really ought to be a squeaky clean day with the family.

Holy and Almighty

1 samuel 2:2

God is the biggest most powerful and pure being in existence.. its honestly a huge comfort to know that but it also puts my insignificance and inability into perspective. but at the same time i know i can do anything with Gods support because hes so awesome. its a lot to take in.

in honor of Gods power, i need to respect the "oath like" decisions i make. in the morning, i MUST wake up to run for 25 minutes. and then ill go shower. Lord, please strengthen me to do this and fulfill my decision and help me to bring God Glory through my actions. im rly trying to be a better temple to him and my body... ): it doesnt honor God the way i wish it would. but no more wishful thinking and only acting until everything is honorable to the lord god almighty.

All Things

philippians 4:8
true noble pure lovely admirable praiseworthy. all these things i should strive to be and do.

im trying something new for my daily devotionals now and instead of just using proverbs ill use youversion's verse of the day since that pulls from throughout the bible and will hopefully teach me more.  

by running, i better served as a temple of the holy spirit. its rougher than i thought, but definitelt worth the temporary pain/effort. man i really need to work out more and everyday :3

mom and dad have given so much to us this trip and im afraid that i havent appareciated them enough for it. ive ben to grumpy and said things are sucky and thats definitely not very noble admirable or praisworthy. sooo i need to think of a way to thank them. i think tomorrow after sleeping some and reading the magazines, i could cut out letters to write them a thank you note for bringing us to hawaii. then theyll feel like at least we apprecite them taking us and spending so much time and money on the vacation that at least we all enjoyed. im sorry that i ever said those ungrateful things about the touring :/ definitely shouldnt have and i regret that... time to make it right and be all those things paul mentioned >:3 

Temple of the Spirit

proverbs 1:10

honestly, this is really disappointing. mom wouldnt let me continue the fast.... >:| i was only able to go 18 hours before she made me eat if i wanted to go swimming ):

now, ill admit i was having a rough time with it, but im glad i was able to do dinner at least and skip it on Gods power. ill start over again tomorrow starting with lunch if i can manage it and momll let me miss (since we'll swim in the morning, i think). then ill go the 48 hours from then. that means like probably 10am tomorrow until 10am thursday.

in the short time, i already know that its helped me to grow in Him and its strengthened my understanding of how much i need Him. every month, i technically have communion, but i dont think thats honestly enough for me in remembering. im not sure why, but i feel like i ought to do a 48 hour fast every month. that'll be my skip a meal a month and i can donate that money. its important to have to rely on God for everything every once in a while. to remember. to _really_ remember.

now. im not to let others entice me to sin. sooo i feel like thats immodesty.  regardless of my future inclinations, probably a bikini isnt the best idea and its not honoring God or the fact that im a temple for the holy spirit. ill keep that in mind and stick with the racer suits.