Dirty Pride

3-30-2015

I have an issue with respect for my parents. That much I know already.my life is so dirtied by my sin, it's revolting )': I have so much to work on and work with. Lord may you help to build me up towards you on your straight path. Growth awaits! And I have a lot of pride and arrogance >:3 but that must subside and I have a responsibility to learn and see others as you would, beloved children. Without judgment. Learn, child. To see others as equal in every sense.

Witness by My Life

3-29-2015

Sin results in death but eternal life comes from God. It makes me sad that some of my favorite people in this world don't experience you. Or maybe they will but the links are still in the prices of being added. But this reminds me of the vulnerability to eternal separation that some will inevitably suffer because they reject you. It makes me want to cry because I don't know what I can really do if anything. I.... Just have to live and make my life my witness.

The other thing to remember is my own faulty nature and to grow into a slightly less flawed creature as possible. One that hopefully reflects you increasingly more.

What I Want

3-28-2015

nothing can separate me from the love of Christ.  that's a relief to know because i'm so messed up inside and maybe outside too.  there are so many things that i want to be for God.  i'm not sure how much time they will all take, but i'm... trying.  i want to be brave for God and throw myself out there.  i want to pursue medical practice where few dare and be the difference that only God's love and strength could lend a person.  i want to help those at home who are neglected as people only remember the internationally impoverished.  i want to succeed for myself in a most selfish way that i must repress.  i want to work hard and have it pay off so i will actually be able to practice medicine for God's glory.  i want to want all this more for the lord than myself.  i want to be a more Godly young woman that i currently am.  i want to thirst for the word with greater desperation.  i want ...to be wholly consumed by love and passion for the lord.

the best

3-27-2015

in order to please God is it is first necessary to believe in him and to seek him. You will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart. jeremiah 29:13.  that has to be how i life my life.  honestly, right now i have come to the conclusion that God is the best a girl could ask for.  i'm his princess.  he cares for me more than the world and loves me so much.  he is absolutely always there for me.  he is the most powerful in the universe and no man could ever fathom that strength.  he would part the red sea for me.  he has designed my life for his glory and i need not worry.  he is my protector.  why do i care about anything else?  it's disgraceful to want more...  why i can't i stop and be satisfied in completeness in light of what i understand and now know.  in my enlightenment why am i still messing around and swiping cards.  i don't quite know, but i know that i have discovered something crucial about you and myself and the direction of my life.

repetition

3-26-2015

You are the light of my world and I couldn't be more grateful for the beauty you yield me. I have much left to strive for in your name but what I have is a start that I must grow in. But this is no understatement. There's something yu be learned too from old mistakes. Don't repeat them. But in the case of acts of kindness, repeat often.

savor the glory

3-25-2015

One day for you and before you is better than a thousand elsewhere and being your child is a glorious blessing in itself. On top of that youre just suchhh an amazing God who throws opportunity at me like theres no tomorrow. In thrilled astonishment and gratitude I praise your kindness to me.

Appreciate everything. Savor each second. I marvel at where it might take me.

city of lights from my life

3-24-2015

Christ is the only true light and in coming into this world he made the darkness and evil flee. One thing I was thinking about and realizing is.... Shoot I know it was really important, )': why can I not remember...well.... I just.

Christ is the light of my life but I still need to act more like it. Im really trying here :3 I... Depend on you so much God and I know that I can't do anything without you. I dont know why I'm having so much trouble with sleeping at a reasonable hour...
Or with recruiting a dentist.... Sigh. But I know that you know what I need. I'm not on this week's clinic list. Which... Makes me very sad. But at least it means ill have time to give to you. And to my homework ...

May my life shine like a little light of your glory.

against evil

3-23-2015

With you on my side, evil doesn't stand a chance. None at all. I have the best God in the whole wide world. The only God in the world.

With the word of the lord on my side, I shall have nothing to fear.  I have an inctedible network of support. Regardless of doubts and outside questionings about the state of mt friendships, there are undoubtedly people I csn count on tp be there for me and I can say in all seriousness that I would be there for them as well. Hallmates for life. They're incredible blessings to me and my only hope is that I can treat them as well as they treat me or better. Thank you for making this happen to me. Blessed is an understatement.

And your words and verses shall be my weapon. Sharper than the truth is nothing.

come in

3-22-2015

If I open the door to Christ and receive him, he shall receive me. There is beauty in that reception and the simplicity of that concept and practice and reality. That is the beauty I live in. It's my life and you are my God who loves me and watches over me. I'm so incredibly blessed for that alone. Not only that but my God tells me here i am! He actually wants to convene with me. To share something with me. I must meet him halfway. More if I can manage. He'll come either way.But the more effort the more pleased he'll be with how he can shape me into an even more glorious flower of his light.

One day I'll be able to day I come from the city of lights. And I'll really mean it.

freedom to serve

3-21-2015

Do not use your freedom to take pleasure in worldly things that cannot have meaning. Instead, love. Rather than enjoying yourself in tv programs 📺 and the like, read the word of God. If there was ever a thing to procrastinate with, be so in love with the lord that you look to his word as entertainment and would rather partake of it than do homework. Not that procrastination is to be endorsed by any means. But if I were to suppose that I was prone to procrastination in a particular instance.

His book 📚 is the greatest ever written. I could do to remember that.
Serve one another humbly. That means without focussing on the self. Service is about the other. And God. Dont make it about yourself and the fact that you are supposedly conducting an act of service for another. Especially if you're seekingglory and recognition for that action. That twists the whole meaning out of line. Dont do that.

training

3-20-2015

I need physical training. And work. This is a fact. I got lazy coming back from winter break and peru. But there is no doubt that my body IS s temple of my god and as such it should be a respectable temple. Two miles a day should be absolutely nothing. It's almost no time at all. In the time I could watch a tv show I could run two miles. I wish I could swim two miles even, but that's less convenient. In the meantime though I think if there's anything for me to set my mind to its that-- glorifying you in my physical form as well as by my other actions.

As well as by my mental capacities.

If im going to be for you I need to be ALL for you. Mind soul and body.

I have training in godliness to be sure that is still required. But so does this other corporeal component require address. I have to find a way to stop hating my body. I didnt have it for a while. I loved it. I need to go back to that.

boredom to be dispersed

3-19-2015

God protects those who keep his path and love him in good faith. God is always there for me.  I know that. Im not sure why but that's alway something that I keep at my core, I feel. And today... Now... It's beginning to feel repetitive. But it shouldnt I know.because you are infinite and there is always something new for me to learn about you. So why am I getting bored? Thid is unacceptable. This is wrong.

I must be in need of revival.

Maybe... Maybe I need vision school. If I do that I feel like I... I just might be able to come back to you. It starts on monday. And... He keeps telling me about it. That just might be..

Lord, tell me if thats what your plan for me is. Pretty please? Will you put it on my heart that there can be no doubt?

And... I'm starting to be consumed by the worries again): the weight of school is a lot. The work load is kind of incredible. And I certainly need your help in overcoming it all. This can be done. Nothing is impossible with you. Remember... God is all powerful. He is your god. Your father.

cared for.

3-18-2015

blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life which the lord has promised to those who love him.  james 1:12

there are so many essays and papers to be written.

but God is good.  and i will make it through this period and on to the other side.

there is surely nothing for me to fear.  he will take care of me.

better days

on behalf of 3-17-2015

Revelation 21:1 NIV

1 Then I saw “a new heaven and a new earth,” for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. 

Revelation 3:20 NIV

20 Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me.

there are certainly a few things for me to remember.  the first of which is my slacking.  i've been so amiss in my daily devotionals T-T but now, i must recover!  at once!  i must--

my relationship with you, Lord is  ):

but here is what i can know for sure.  today onwards, i must work harder... if i don't do this now, when will i ever D:

first, i must thank you for everything in spite of the worries that throw themselves upon me.  in the end, i still have you, and all those apprehensions come down to nothing.  but that would not be so save for you, God.  and then i must thank you for helping me to persevere in any and every trial.  with you as my strength, i can travel so very much further than otherwise.

the good from God

3-13-2015

3 John 1:11 NIV

11 Dear friend, do not imitate what is evil but what is good. Anyone who does what is good is from God. Anyone who does what is evil has not seen God.

what is good is from God.  what is evil has not seen God.  i want to imitate only that which is good and of God.

i have a lot to learn from her.  she is this epitome of you and as a disciple, she shines so much more brightly that i think i ever have.  i'm not exactly what i can do, but i have a few months left to see and emulate.  it is so that you are the ultimate source of emulation, but seeing it in practice from day to day is so incredibly powerful.  i'm working on it, but probably not hard enough.  in the coming weeks, i will try harder and dedicate myself to this more~!

that is a promise that i must commit to fully.  otherwise D:

i want you to be seen in everything in full.  i don't want there to be any question about it.  you should be a primary light shining in just absolutely everything.  they should see good and know that it is from you by default of knowing me.

fountain of God's goodness

on behalf of 3-14-2015

Jude 1:2 NIV
2 Mercy, peace and love be yours in abundance.

these things i hope to embody in full and to learn. i want to grow in the lord but i feel like i have stagnated for some reason in the last few weeks and im not sure what explanation can be offered for this. all that i do know is that i have ceased to be as close. it might be the things like praying everyday for others or like failing to write in my transcribed bible. or maybe it was forgetting my daily devotions this last week in the huff and puff of life. either way, i recognize that those are issues that i can directly address and act to resolve by NOT forgetting them....

but theres something else, i feel that is missing. perhaps dialogue with you more through prayer will resolve this feeling. i'm not totally sure. the fire has gone out though.

maybe i'm doing too many things and forgetting about what matters most in life. you.

i do know this though. i am thankful to you for helping me to see that i must burn a particular bridge. it's dangerous. it could hold me down. it's a bridge i simply can't afford to keep alive because i think something seriously wrong could happen to me if i let it. so it's just plain no good. apart from that i think.. i might just have some soul searching and praying to do. to return to you and loving you with the same fervor as in days past.

blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life that the lord has promised to those who love him. james 1:12

if you love me, keep my commands. john 13:15

i have hidden your word in my heart, that i might not sin against you. psalm 119:11

you will seek me and find me when you seek with all your heart. jeremiah 29:13
^i think this is what i need. i can't be so distracted or burned out by research, necessarily. there are other things that i should be putting my energy into. relationships, namely. with You especially. i get it.

mercy, love, and peace. i could use more of each. from God comes all these things. that i can be sure of. in deepening a relationship with him, i can find and be a fountain of these.

in perfect love

on behalf of 3-12-2015

1 John 4:18 NIV

18 There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

in true love, there is no fear because the two parties have complete trust and would be able to express themselves with total honesty.  theres no unfounded judgment.  just support and more love.  criticism, but its constructive.  it brings you closer to the lord.

perfect love drives out fear which stems from punishment?  i feared failure.  and some inability to glorify you.  and my own badness.  but if i am made perfect in love then all worries can leave me, is that right?  can it all turn to dust in the blink of an eye?  can it be as though i had never feared at all?

can it be like i am yours. as though none of my problems exist?  can i finally take complete comfort in you?

this, i hope.

epitomizing you

3-10-2015

1 John 4:16 NIV

16 And so we know and rely on the love God has for us.

God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.

i knw that i depend completely on the Lord for my strength and this is the mindset i have in mind as i bestow all my worries regarding this application that i'm almost surprised at myself for finishing on him.  because that is how it's supposed to be as we shed our worries and refocus on the Lord.

i can't believe that i finished and that i can be mostly proud of these essays, really.  it's kind of impeccable.  you worked some magic for sure, because i've never written such quality works in such a short time frame.  to be sure, they could improve, but i daresay that it was a good effort.

whoever lives in love lives in God.  on this matter, i think i have much to learn and i have a real life model of your glory.  she is a brilliant sparkle of light in the word, bringing you and joy to every path she walks.  i will miss her terribly and the brightness that accompanies her.  i am amazed by how she epitomizes you and how she is a walking example of living life for you.  with her i feel like i have so much to aspire to.  knowing you makes her amazing and the love is so evident.

that's how i want to be.

God i want to recommit myself to being that.  for loving so hard that all anyone around me can see is that love.

my salvation

3-9-2015

1 John 1:9 NIV

9 If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.

you are so good and forgive regardless of our sins, but the importance is rather knowing we have sinned and that we need you because of it and working with genuine authenticity to cease this unrighteousness.

beyond that though, you are good in other ways.  somehow i have been saved from that terrible fate in that house paying a bajillion times more and things have been worked around such that the apartments will actually be a thing.  wow.  i don't know how you made this magic but you did Lord.

as for the inexplicable other feelings about that one person.  i think they've been confirmed and i don't want to see that person again.  ever.  it's for the best, i would dare.  i'm always busy and going some place.  it makes sense.  and even next year, i'm basically always working anyways so it's fine.  i've had enough of these shenanigans and sometimes it's time to cut ties.  sometimes i think bridges need to burn.  there's a certain wisdom in knowing when.  there has to be.  and i don't claim to know when is best.  but i know that you know.  and i trust your judgment in moving my heart to choose. for that i am forever grateful.

Walking with the Lord

3-8-2015

1 John 1:7 NIV
7 But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin.
By walking with God and fellowshipping with one another, we live apart from the darkness of the world. The resurrection of Christ saves us from the darkness. He is our hope in the world. He is the light. He's the one that takes away the dirt of wrongdoing and forgives us. If we walk with God and encourage each other in struggle, there is nothing beyond our reach.

In this I have faith. I am hopeful. I will stop procrastinating. Shine on me; bring me out of the darkness; help me to bring glory to your name. May you bring the peace of mind and help me to remember you're always watching and guarding and protecting. I have nothing to fear, nothing to be apprehensive about, nothing can shake me from this place––the sanctuary.

Everything will be alright

3-7-2015

1 John 1:5 NIV

5 This is the message we have heard from him and declare to you: God is light; in him there is no darkness at all.

God is the light and the source of all goodness.  In heaven there is no darkness at all, God there is nothing but pure goodness, glory, and beauty, and God is absolutely wonderful. Got a everything the one should ever hope to be.  I don't know what I'd do without him. God makes everything beautiful; god is always there for me.  With the Lord on my side I have absolutely nothing to fear. I can't imagine my life without Christ. I would be so lost. Today I am here I am because of the Lord. I know that I have nothing to fear and the pressures of life, somehow I will make it through. Lord is my strength and in him I have no worries. With great anticipation I wake this next week things will work out. I will write those essays and finish the application. Everything is going to be okay. Everything will be alright.

Everything beautiful

3-6-2015

1 Peter 3:15 NIV

15 But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect,

1 Peter 5:7 NIV

7 Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

2 Peter 2:8-9 NIV

8 (for that righteous man, living among them day after day, was tormented in his righteous soul by the lawless deeds he saw and heard)— 9 if this is so, then the Lord knows how to rescue the godly from trials and to hold the unrighteous for punishment on the day of judgment.

But in your hearts revere Christ as Lord respect God and it says always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give reasons are know that you have Christ as a reason. Because he's the one I live for. he is the one who gives me hope and strength, that he is the source of power in him I know that anything for his glory as possible. Christ is so powerful. This is the answer I would give someone. I believe that in Christ I have nothing to fear. Christ is my reason. All apprehension and worry dissipates. It can be a shock to hear about Christ. They may not know what to think. And so I have an obligation to share the good news. Actions and hope that I live by day today, I aspire to proliferate the love and hope that the good news provides.

Of this, I am sure.

Test your anxiety on him because he cares for you. he carries my burden. To him playing struggles are nothing, not in the sense that they're worthless and useless, or in the sense that they do not matter. But rather, they are easy because he is Lord, and omnipotent, and omniscient.  There is nothing that God cannot do. In short I'm just growing world. Like a princess his father watches over me and cares for me loves me text me is the world.

What more can I want for us for this world. Not only this, but there's a better world, another world after this. There's a place where Joy reigns and God's glory shines forever. In my heart I hope more than anything that others recognize this truth as well.  This is a fervent hope of mine.

Christ was tormented day day after d will living among us; he deserved none of it. And yet he did out of love. Hello award rescued him, vindicated him from his unlawful arrest. And Christ, After they're horrendous acts against him, still returned, to us out of love. His love is immense. His is immeasurable. But apart from us god delivers those who perseveres under trial. 1 James 1:12. It says ," blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because having stood the test the person will receive the crown of life the the Lord has promised to those who love him." and by Psalms 119:11, I shall, "Hide your word in my heart that I might I send against you."  Furthermore I believe that as one who loves the Lord I shall keep his commands, john 14:15. And I will seek and find the Lord when I seek with all my heart, as Jeremiah 29:13 dictates.

it is not easy to live with other people, or to choose a house to live in with other people, or to really make any living arrangements at all with other people. There are wimps to be played against. And it seems to be that I have lost in my argument for a less expensing housing arrangement that provides more amenities.  But no matter, as a flinn scholar I have no shortage of funds with which I can pay for my housing. I did find the house. the House belongs  to one of my professors. And in this I hope that a great relationship grows, that I get to know my professor better, the love abounds between myself and my roommates. This is much hope for. But I confidence and something beautiful. You make everything beautiful. This is what I know.

not only this, but you have confirmed that you have bestowed upon me the best lab in the world.  I had people who care about me. I have people who are watching out for me. There are people that I care about. They're people that I love. They are people that I can work with for a very very long time.  in fact, for the remainder of my undergraduate career.  i have nothing but love and amazement and i know beauty when i see it.  this is beautiful.  

marked

3-3-2015

1 Peter 2:9 NIV

9 But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

i am special.  God will not let me fall to the side.  if he takes care of the grass of the field, how much more does he care for me.

it's ok.  i will make it through this time.  you truly care about me and love me.  i will persevere through this difficulty.

chosen people--i've been chosen by you and thats no mistake.  a royal priesthood--a princess, does that make me?

i am marked as belonging to him.  this is so.

may i remember that i depend so completely on him for my strength and things will be alright.

everything to you.

3-2-2015

James 4:8 NIV

8 Come near to God and he will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.

the relationship goes both ways and as long as i follow the lord with all my heart and with all my soul, he too will grow with me and i will flourish as a seedling of his.

everything to you.

lord, tonight i want to dedicate myself to praying for those around me.  for the birth of a new child, for friends struggling with stress, for friends whose siblings have yet to know you, for friends siblings who are in the military or under other lines of fire, for your grace which blows me away, for love, for reconciliation with my parents.

wash my hands of that sin, i do.  i must be for you only.

remember

on behalf of 2-28-2015

James 4:6 NIV

6 But he gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”

it's important that i remember who God is and that he is the reason for anything that i have and achieve.  he is the source of all goodness and blessings and my strength.  in this humility, he will continue to show me favor as i seek him and to glorify his name.

jeremiah 29:13 you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
psalm 119:11 i have hidden your word in my heart that i might not sin against you.
james 1:12 blessed is he who perseveres under trial because having stood the test that person will receive the crown of life that the lord has promise to those who love him.
john 14:15 if you love me, keep my commands.
2 timothy 3:16 all scripture is God-breath and is useful for teaching, correcting, rebuking, and teaching in righteousness

deuteronomy 10:16 circumcise your hearts therefore and do not be stiff-necked any longer.

everything for you, God.