My Own Counsel

4-23-2015
ROM 15:4 NIV

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope.

I know everything. I recognize the joy that should fill my life so completely. But I don't feel it. Its like I've been sucked dry of the will , motivation, and sheer elation and passion for life that used to fill me. I used to be excited for almost everything. Because I was going to go out into the world and make something of what you'd given me. I was going to make you proud and glorify your name.

Today I can still do that. Moving in the right direction for it. But its not the same. The vibrance is gone. I want it back. Lord, would you slay the grasp of death and destruction upon me? I want every moment to sing for you and the beautiful life you've given me.

I used to live out perseverance and encouraged hope. Or rather, I didnt need encouragement. I was my own encouragement. That's how it felt. I knew what I needed to tell myself and I could hope through my own counsel. In that kind of stremgth I took pride.

Is that what you mean to teach me? That I need more than myself. Because I think its working. But obviously the people around me arent..cutting it for counsel. Or are you strengthening my own self and resolve in myself. Are you teaching me to trust you more and let you work in my life. Because I thought you were enough for me. You filled my heart and I didn't need anything else. Anyone else.

Can I go back to that time.