There's a problem. Yeah I don't need friends, but it's hard. It's hard not live like a hermit. When everything is so busy around me. I have so much I have planned things that want to do. I have the lab. I love it too but it takes so so much time. I love it, and I want to do it more and more and more. And then friends... Go to the way :3 it's probably not healthy. But this is... The way that I know how. I've always been one to prioritize my work first. Over.... Everything. It used to work out because my friends understood in high school. They were the same way. Academics mattered first and we honestly like all worked together. Or at least semi together.That was the other thing. I ...
I just feel really lost in everything. School is this empty black hole that sucks me in to do these work like things. And people don't understand why im in the lab so much. And I need just like one person to understand. I need a best friend.I don't want a boy. I want anyone who can be like me and work hard for a goal they care about and of high enough caliber for us to challenge each other in different areas.
I know that I'm not alone. I know that you're there. Lord, you're always with me. But for some reason it's not the same. And I know that you are enough. But at the same time, even you tell us to fellowship amongst ourselves as believers. That's what I need first and foremost. And in that midst, maybe there's someone who's..... Somewhat like me. I thought I was average for the longest time. I thought that's why I didn't have a draw. Who wants an average girl that doesn't care to play pretend and dress up. But now I know better. I'm above average in intellect. And if I don't dress up they know I'm different. Then I'm not playing along with the societal standards. On the contrary, if i play the game, then maybe they'll be mistakenly led to conclude that I'm like the rest. But I don't want to be like that. And yet there are times when I just play along.
What am I even doing with my life.
Either way, Christ does for MY sins. I won't let that be for nothing. I'll do something useful with my life in your name and for your glory. I can't desecrate your name by a failure to know you. That's the best thing in the world. I have to do better. Not because your love is contingent on it, but because I want to. Because I'm a desperate woman in desperate need of a savior.
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