People.

august 14, 2015

from God we who follow his ways will receive a reward.  a heavenly gift that is better than anything imaginable.  i wouldn't be able to imagine myself here where i am today.  five years ago, i would have had no clue.  and in the same way, i have no clue what's in store even five years from now.  i have aspirations, to be sure.  but in professional realms.  five years from now.  i'll be 24.  that's insane.  there are things that i think of and that i want.  but i don't know how to get there or what i'm responsible for making happen or what quite is the opportunity that you have set before me.

there is something on my mind.  and now, all i can do is pray to you about it.  and to thank you every day for the things that you have given me.  this would be as glorious of a platform as any for doing that.  you make my life bright and you bring me out of my miseries.  you bring joy when i didn't think there was any to be had.

the retreat was blessed.  today, i felt no pain from the headache that hounded me wednesday night.  today, i got his phone number.  today, i contemplated what i wanted to do next.  today, i am surrendering myself to you again.  today, i certainly pray for a miracle if that is your will.

as i sit here thinking right now. i realize this.  i haven't put that part of my life into your hands.  i really haven't prayed as i should.  i have been counting on myself to make things happen.  i haven't unloaded to you and allowed you to work freely and fully in my life's personal relationships.  but now i'm letting go.  i don't know what that actually means in terms of what i end up doing or leaving up to you and your glory.  but i do know that means fretting about it in a different way and not asking merely friends for advice.  it means this:  coming running to you because i have no idea what i'm doing or how this really works when disciples want it to bring you glory.  so i lay this all down at your feet and cry out to you.

people.

when you have things, professional things--its great, but that's not all.  people.  that's what is missing