Wow--she is so [insert adjective here]

proverbs 22:1
this is something that has been on my heart recently, and its so fitting that such a perfect verse comes up.

ive recently found myself plagued by a bad name--its something made apparent to me by some friends on whom i can count to be brutually honest with me when necessary. sometimes, id like to think _most_ of the time, its less my friends opinion, and more of a candidly given reflection of opinions heard. it started sophomore year, i think. and i feel like ive been careless with my name to a degree which pains me.  and its only in certain ways.

well, college yields new opportunities to redefine myself and for that im incredibly thankful. ive seen what there is to become out there, models for behavior--besides, christ i suppose and in more specific mannerisms such as party etiquette of the teenage/college student variety-- and i think i can better emulate that, thereby altering my name, and hopefully for the better. in my heart, i honestly believe that to be Gods message. because in all reality, people are more likely to accept an ambassador more like them yet good and true. in goodness and truth, christs example is impeccable and _the one_ to follow, of course. but in others...dancing or partying? i feel compelled to follow other distinct examples.

it all begins now with what i do and say. i can start now--there are soo many grad parties coming up. i can also think before i speak, which is incredibly more difficult than i ever thought before seriously trying. and the other thing is remaking my wardrobe. all of that contributes to my public image and it seems the best way to achieve a revolution of the latter. thats my hoe anyhow. i cant stand if my current name were to prevail... its all quite convoluted and such. sometimes my heart is conflicted over what the legitimate _best_ direction for me is as well. but in all things, as long as i trust him, all things will work together for my good. today people may say wow she is so----but He can change that.  all things will work together for my good. of that, im sure.

(forgotten post from late thursday night.)